Gradual Graduation

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September 4, 2008

Tomorrow evening I will graduate from cosmetology school. And from all my devoted readers, I want tiny teddy bear with a tiny mortarboard, wearing a tiny shirt that says class of ’08. Please? Thank you.

The sucky thing about this graduation is that I still have a month left of school. Let me explain: In cosmetology school the goal is to complete 1600 hours. Say, you’re late one day, or are out sick for 8 days, or party hard one night and can’t find your hair extensions and realize they are in the toilet with your mascara wand and your best friend’s boyfriend’s Axe Deodorant Spray, then you probably need to recover and lay on the couch all day and watch the Maury Povich show. Which means every hour you miss, is an extra hour tacked on to the end of your time. So, everyone is at a different level; the girl next to me can have 450 hours, and the girl next to her can have 890 hours, and the girl next to her can have 12 hours. Instead of graduating people one at a time (which would be awkward and kinda sad), they only have 4 graduations a year. So all that to say, I’m graduating tomorrow!! Yea me!
But I’m not done with school until October 7th. Boo! It’s going to feel strange to graduate on Friday and then come back to school on Monday. But I think I can handle it.

6 Comments:

YEAH! Congrats!…with round one of graduation anyways

by Kristin on September 4, 2008

Hi Beckey! I love your blog keep up the good work!

by Katelyn North-Cheo on September 4, 2008

See you tomorrow!

by amanda on September 4, 2008

Yay for you, Beckey!

by dgm on September 5, 2008

Yeah! congrats on graduating!

by gorillabuns on September 5, 2008

Congratulations!!!

by Tootsie Farklepants on September 6, 2008

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Dear purveyors of the Crystal Light Vitamin Enhanced Drink Mix,

4 Comments

June 13, 2008

A story: I was on my way to school last night when I opened my nalgene bottle to take a sip of water mixed with your Cherry Pomegranate Immunity on the Go packet. I sipped ever so gingerly, but even with my years of experience with drinking, (nudge- wink, you know what I mean) I still managed to dribble a little water on my white shirt. No problem, because it’s just water, right? WRONG!! After looking down at my shirt and discovering a soft pink stain emerging, a slew of dirty word explosions flew out of my mouth (okay, so I have a problem controlling my anger, and I’m working through that, thankyouverymuch). Needless to say, I had to flip the car around, go home and change, and yes, I was late.

You scabrous folks down there at the Crystal Light Lab think that we’re all a bunch of 3rd graders, don’t you? Well let me tell you something, if I wanted stains on my clothes and my water to be pink I’d drink Kool-Aid. Got it?

Please do us ADULTS a favor and don’t put unnecessary dyes in the water. I don’t really care if it’s pink, blue, or green, it’s totally wasted on me. I’m a simple lady and I find clear water to be just fine, plus I can really do without the pink mustache.

Cordially,

Beckey

P.S.

Enclosed you’ll find the bill for my dry cleaning. Thank you.

4 Comments:

you my friend…need to invest in a “tide-to-go pen”. (they fit nicely in that secret compartment in your purse with your lipgloss and unmentionable monthly items). they will change your life!! they even work on black clothes – no stains. just rub it on the stain and voila! when it drys 2.17 minutes later, you’re as good as new!!

by allie on June 13, 2008

I have spilled lunch sauce on my pants every day this week. So today, I’m just wearing yesterday’s pants and getting it over with.

by Pete Dunn on June 14, 2008

Im a spiller. Mostly my favorite food, salsa…but pretty much anything I eat winds up on the front of my shirt. I always just blame it on my kids, tee hee hee.

Hey, I want to invite you to a Dove Chocolate Tasting party I am having…..Sun. June 22 at 7pm….let me know if you can make it and Ill send you directions. And….bring a bib 🙂

by heart shaped hedges on June 14, 2008

hmmmm I ALWAYS spill, drop, smash, rub things into my clothes, right after putting them on…The worst is after being in the kitchen, and leaning against the sink to maybe grab something up high, my boobs have big ol’ wet spots on them. geesh.. thats what I get for being short and have droopy mommy boobies lol
I guess I need a tide pen.. Off to put that on my list, and of course right after spending tons at the store today, would go back, but I don’t want to take a loan pout for some gas!!!
Have a great day

Robin Dawn

by Robin Dawn on June 29, 2008

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Water Words

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June 11, 2008

Last night in class we had a teacher give an inspiration talk on being positive and loving yourself and yadi, yatti, yah…

Right before I started to lay my head on the table and draw pretty pictures with my breath condensation, the speaker starting talking about writing notes on our bottles of water before we drink them. What? Has he gone mad? He handed us all a marker, a post-it, and a bottle of water, declaring that if we simply write an inspiration message on our water, we will embody these things, and drinking our water will empower us.

This theory is based on Masaru Emoto’s experiments of watching water freeze and form crystals. He took the same exact water and divided it up into two different containers. The first container he spoke only positive words to and wrote “thank you” on the container. The other one he said nasty words to and wrote “hate” on the container. He watched both freeze and noticed the container with positive words created beautiful crystals, while the water with negative words written on it, form ugly crystals. I found this to be fascinating, weird, and a big, giant bowl of hoo-eey all wrapped up in one.

I decided I was going to try this. It couldn’t hurt. So I grabbed my glass of water and sat it down in front of me for a little heart to heart.

ME: Hey water, I just waned to say thanks for always being there for me and that I love you.

WATER:

ME: No, that’s okay. Don’t say anything. It’s better that I do all the talking because I’m the one with the mouth and the brain, and the stunning good looks.

ME: I wanted to let you know how grateful I am for you. I know that there are millions that don’t have clean fresh water, and all I have to do is open my refrigerator and there you are! Thanks, you’re the best!

After our little heart to heart I grabbed my sharpie and got to work:

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Then I had a thought. If I can write positive things on my water, why stop there? So I wrote on my coffee:

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And then on Berlyn’s sippy cup (it says, serenity, repose, calm, peace, and harmony–hey, a mom can dream, right??):

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…and later that night, on my glass of wine:

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the end.

6 Comments:

yr awesome!

by amy on June 11, 2008

You made me smile…good experiment!

by Jeni on June 11, 2008

LMAO – that was hilarious. I was waiting for the “hate” conversation and the freezing. 😉

by Marketing Mama on June 11, 2008

The look on B’s face says it all.

by Dena on June 11, 2008

OMG, next thing you know, this yahoo will be on Oprah selling millions of books.

ugly crystals????

by heart shaped hedges on June 11, 2008

No way. So funny. I love it. I am also inspired to label my margarita “sanity” and my dog’s bowl “obedience.”

by melidna on June 13, 2008

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Things that Made Me Happy this Weekend: an Introspection of Sorts

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June 9, 2008

This weekend seemed to drag on and on…ugh! J/k folks, j/k. But seriously, the way it worked out, I had a 5 day weekend. Let me explain, on Wednesday we didn’t have school, there was some business that was going down on our campus, therefore they had to close the school for a day (read: opiates, hot, hot sex, and money laundering). Oooh the drama. Then on Thursday I got all ready for school and wore my favorite pair of jeans, but when I got to school, I realized that it wasn’t a day that jeans were an acceptable thing to wear. It totally felt like I was invited to a costume party and got dressed up as the love child between Dolly Parton and Willie Nelson, but at the last minute there was no costume party, and I show up, looking like a pot smoking slut. Oh shit. Usually Thursday we can wear jeans, but this particular Thursday, NO JEANS! But I had my favorite pair of jeans on, and I was asked to leave. This made me angry. I drove home in a huff, said fuck at least 7 times, and almost hit a someone driving a PT Cruiser, just because I think that car sucks.

But on the bright side I got to get all snuggly in my comfy clothes and watch So You Think You Can Dance!!! Oh the joy! This was the first thing about my weekend that made me truly happy.

Here’s some other stuff that made me happy:

  • My new Juicy track suit. Really I can’t have enough of these things.

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  • Going on a leisurely walk with my husband and baby.
  • Drinking a Guinness with a shamrock in the foam.

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  • Cupcakes in the morning

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  • And finally seeing Sex and the City with a fabulous friend.

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What made you guys happy this weekend??

4 Comments:

Sprinkles in the morning would make me pretty happy too!!

by Kristin on June 9, 2008

Isn’t the Sex and the City movie fabulous? I thought of you when Charlotte literally pooped in her pants. That doesn’t seem like a nice thing to say, but I imagined that you would laugh at that too. I like that I am 8 years old and still find poop jokes hilarious.

by Amanda on June 9, 2008

I went running and my foot did not hurt so damn bad that I couldn’t walk on it. This is significant progress.

There’s a perfume I used to wear, Quartz by Molyneux, that is impossible to find in stores but which I finally tracked down online. My order arrived on Friday and I have been smelling it all weekend (and today) and I must say, I smell GOOD.

Also, I finally made it to a local surfer hangout for breakfast, and my omelette-and-bacon plate was as huge, delicious, and inexpensive as I had been promised by regulars.

And finally, Peets medium iced nonfat cappuccino. OMG.

Life is good.

by dgm on June 9, 2008

we still need to meet up at the Farmers Market some Saturday….let me know when is good for you, amidst all that fun!

by heart shaped hedges on June 10, 2008

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What Stinks?

6 Comments

May 29, 2008

Oooh, ooooh! That would be me. Yup, take a nice long whiff people, because I’m super smelly. Why, you ask? Because I switched deodorant like a fool, like a damn fool!

I decided while at Whole Foods, that I would try an aluminum-free deodorant instead of my usual Secret mixed with Ban underarm concoction. I was in this weird soy-based, organic, hormone-free kind of mood, which is how I get when I go to Whole Foods. I’ll browse the isles with the mind-set that I’m one of those moms who eats balanced and healthy meals, who never gives her child processed foods, and who balks in the face of red meat, french fries, and refined sugar. Yeah, I was in one of those moods. I totally forgot that my everyday diet is filled with Funyuns and Skittles and I finish up with mozzarella sticks from Jack in the Box.

So anyway, I saw all these “all natural” and “aluminum free” deodorants, and I thought to myself, ‘what the heck’ and ‘why not?’ Again, I was in one of those moods.
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So I threw two in my cart, but what I failed to consider are the deep ramifications of me smelling bad: I go to hair school. I wash people’s hair and my arm pits are directly in their line of smell, next I cut their hair and my arm pits are right there again. And then there’s the blow dry, guess where my arm pits are? Yep, in their face.

I went to school last night, and after one whole hour I smelled like a teenage boy. I tried to keep my elbows tucked firmly into my sides as to insure the stink wouldn’t seep out, but I looked liked I was doing an awkward T-Rex impression.
Then I tried to joke about it, I’d say, “WHEW! Smells like someone’s getting a perm! Jeepers, that stinks!” And then my clients would laugh uncomfortably because they knew that my arm pits were the ones with the funky perm.

I guess that concludes my aluminum-free deodorant experience. Perhaps if I didn’t sweat like a 400 pound man I would be able to just rub a pretty crystal all over my arm pits and be done with it.product_information.gif

Please enjoy this photograph. It’s basically what my husband and I look like every morning when I help him apply his deodorant as he flexes his arm.

6 Comments:

funky perm arm pits… my favorite description ever.

by Kristin on May 29, 2008

you are hilarious.

by kru clan on May 31, 2008

Is Pat stinky too?

by Amanda on May 31, 2008

Heck no! Pat smells like a field of daffodils.

by beckey on June 2, 2008

Becky you are hilarious. No fake.

I switched to aluminum free too, and only wear real deodorant for special occasions like road trips, and date night.

We freakish hyper sweaters have to stick together yo.

by Jen on June 7, 2008

Ohhh, I am all to familiar with this experiment. I tried, lord I tried to be aluminum-free and “natural,” but this body is simply not cut out for it. The only thing that marginally worked was taking chlorophyll pills in combination with using natural deodorant. Still, I could smell me. Now I’ve gone way over to the other side and use my prescription strength, nuclear aluminum-packed product. The world is a much better place for it.

by dgm on June 9, 2008

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Almost as Fun as a Cup of Dirt

2 Comments

April 2, 2008

I didn’t know what to write about today, so instead of coming up with something vaguely clever, I decided to spend 45 minutes of my life taking on-line quizzes. I hope you learn something about me, because those are 45 minutes of my day that I’m never going to see again.

I took a personality quiz at this site, and got a D-.
This was disappointing.
I never got good grades in school, but I always managed to get higher than a D-. Crap, I got an A in Literary Theory (very hard class), but a D-in personalty–damn. Sorry folks for being such a lame ass–I’ll try harder next time. Here are the results:
Your score on this personality test was 61%

Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who’s constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who’ll always cheer them up and help them out.

After the anguish and distress wore off from being as fun to hang out with as a cup of dirt, I took an IQ test, under the moniker, Beatrix. Here are the results:

Congratulations, Beatrix!
Your IQ score is 131
This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.

Your Intellectual Type is Insightful Linguist. This means you are highly intelligent and have the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind.

Yeahh!! I’m smart! That totally makes up for scoring a D- in personality.

2 Comments:

SO I am a nerd and totally wanted to find out what I was!!! I am a Precision Processor…whatever that really means. Thanks…that was fun!!!

by Jeni on April 2, 2008

thanks for your very entertaining blog! i enjoy it and spend approximately 32.7 minutes being very unproductive at work everyday (not to say that reading your blog is unproductive, but i’m sure my bosses would rather me be doing something else)!!! tell pat that we (matt & me) said “hi”!

by allie on April 3, 2008

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I Got a New Bag to Stink Up

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March 28, 2008

I know that you’re all on the edge of your seat and dying to know what is going on with my school bag debacle, so here is the latest:

I was lead to believe from this site, and this site, that the Gryson Target collection would not be released until April 6, but I was at Target yesterday buying toilet paper and Cheez-Its, and I discovered the bags shoved in the back of the handbag section. I quickly tried all of them on, and asked Berlyn for her opinion. She liked the blue one, so I put it in my cart and bought it for 34.99.

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It is so roomy that Berlyn insisted that I put her in there

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Smelly Bag

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March 27, 2008

As you all know, I go to school at night. I bring this mama-jama, honking bag with me that is filled with all sorts of goodies: A magazine, a notebook filled with notes about electrolysis, waxing, block-color techniques, and the annoying people I find myself sitting next to each day. I also have chap stick, a manicuring set, strands of hair that have fallen in after being cut, trail mix, chopsticks, and a reusable plastic bottle for water, just to name a few things. I need to bring each and every item with me to school each day, because if I don’t my mom might die…Okay, so that’s not true, but if I don’t I will feel unprepared and have an unsettling feeling in my tummy that may lead to gastrointestinal upset, and then I’ll have to run next door to Carl’s Jr to use their bathroom, because I can’t use the bathroom at school, because then everyone would know that I had loose stools because I didn’t adequately prepare myself for my day. UGH!
So, the other day the top of my water bottle flipped open and soaked everything in my bag. Which included, but was not limited to: A magazine, a notebook filled with notes about electrolysis, waxing, block-color techniques, and the annoying people I find myself sitting next to each day, chap stick, a manicuring set, strands of hair that have fallen in after being cut, trail mix, and chopsticks. I didn’t notice this awful tragedy until the very next day, so it sat overnight, permeating, and macerating, and soaking everything to the point of being really, really smelly.
I bought this now stinky bag (see figure A) two and a half years ago at Target for 29.99 and it has served me well throughout my time at school: it is noticeable in a crowd, hardworking, and has lots of pockets, but now it’s time for me to say goodbye. I will be sad, BUT–Target has a new line of Gryson bags (see figure B) coming soon, and I will wait diligently until they release them. I feel as though Target has let me down with the Jovovich-Hawk line they just released, but I will not give up on Target, and I am really, really hopeful that the new bags are cute enough for me to purchase and put my chopstick in.
In the mean time I am stuck carrying my reusable grocery bag (see figure C ) which has no pockets, so everything gets jumbled up at the bottom, but is machine washable and light weight, and doesn’t smell like Zoey’s armpits (see figure D).

FIGURE A:
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FIGURE B:

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FIGURE C:

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FIGURE D:

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Somewhere Between Pause and Fast-Forward

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February 20, 2008

I feel very conflicted as I’m battling two types of feelings. The first is, I am at school–and as much as I love slapping color on hair, I just want to be finished. I keep looking ahead for a time of no school. When I think of being done with school, I envision my horizon filled with unicorns wearing point shoes demi-pleaing in the distance, and hippos with tu-tus awaiting my arrival to the future. But before I can dance with hippos and unicorns, I see the next 7 months of my life as this black smudge on the calendar, and as soon as I am done, the smudge will be wiped clean, and I will finally be able to live my life, i.e., dance with hippos and unicorns.

On the other hand, I still spend 8 hours of Berlyn’s day with her, and I want to cherish every moment that we get to spend together. She will never be this age again, and I want to remember her sweet baby language, her trials of standing alone, and her attempts of getting into her Duplo box.

Part of me wants to press pause, while the other part wants to fast-forward.

I think this struggle serves a purpose; we are always going to have segments of our life that are arduous and we want to speed through, but then hopefully, we have more of the parts that are wonderfully fulfilling that we never want to end. These remind us to be grateful and cherish all the good in our lives.

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