They say (and by they I mean the folks at Folgers), say that the best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup…I beg to differ.
This morning I sauntered downstairs with just enough prowess to avoid the giant pink car positioned right at shin-mega-hurt height. I rubbed the sleep and the tiny specks of day-old mascara out of my eyes, and peered into the empty coffee canister. I flipped the metal jar upside down and watched only wisps of tasty coffee grounds fall to the counter.
Oh no! This is bad. We’re out of coffee! I thought to myself, don’t panic, there are worse things going on in the world, and a day without coffee is totally do-able. Although it’s something I don’t feel comfortable doing.
I am vaguely resourceful and somewhat of a problem solver, so I threw open cupboards and knocked over boxes of crackers and cans of soup with my clumsy, uncaffeinated hands, in search of some coffee we might have stashed for such desperate occasions. Instead, I found decaf coffee, tea, and Folgers instant coffee crystals I bought for a cookie recipe. Decaf is shit, and I might as well have a cup of water, warm it up and add brown food dye. Tea is for old people and wussies, so I was stuck with the Folgers by process of elimination.
I thought, how bad can it be? It’s coffee, and coffee is always good. So I set my electric water kettle on boil and added a heaping scoop of instant coffee crystals to my cup. I added the water, a dash of hopeful expectations, and stirred vigorously. When the water had cooled off enough, I took a hearty swig, and spit it right back into the cup. UGH! It was burnt, dry, and tasted like a dusting of toenails had been added without my approval. All things I try to avoid in a cup of coffee.
Because I was still missing my caffeine buzz, I had to drink something, so I brewed some tea. While it was both sweet and mild, I still wasn’t satisfied. And sadly I was out of options.
After sucking out yesterday’s coffee filter and licking the empty canister, I realized that I have a problem. I heard the front gate open, and I knew my husband was home from his coffee shop meeting. I eagerly greeted him with an overly gratuitous kiss just to get the taste of more coffee, and realized that he was holding a cup of joe, all for me!!
Dreams do come true.