July 4, 2008

Berlyn met some very nice horses the other day.

They all came over to greet her, and look at her with their giagantic eyeballs.


Berlyn was a bit unsure. She kept shaking her head “no” and clinging on to me.



But then she made a friend with this nice fellow, and pet him on his sweet little horsie cheek.


And mom realized that her sweat pants are very unflattering, and she will try to not leave the house when she wears them.


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I’m a Total Nut-Job


June 30, 2008

Right after Berlyn was born I would wake up in the middle of the night (this was in addition to waking up 2-3 times to feed her), sit up in the bed, and wrestle in the covers, lifting them and shrieking that my baby is in the bed, and she’s suffocating! Pat would wake up, try to calm me down, and assure me that she was sleeping soundly in her crib, not in our bed. After a Xanex and a tall glass of red wine, I’d fall back asleep for about 48 minutes and wake up to feed Berlyn.

This is what Hell feels like. No one can prepare you for the rhythmic-head-pounding-into-the-wall that is parenting a newborn. But after a few months Berlyn was successfully sleeping through the night, unfortunately I was still waking up, smearing the covers around, trying to find my suffocating baby in the sheets. Once a week I had this nightmare, and every time it was the same: I would sit straight up, open my eyes, and panic while searching in the covers for my baby. Pat would have to calm me down each time, but each time it was harder for me to calm down, because I would convince myself that it was real, and when I found out it wasn’t, I would get mad at myself for letting my subconscious so violently take over. I kept this up weekly for about 6 months, then after that it was only happening about every month or so. It was so awful when I would wake up and thrash around looking for Berlyn in the bed, because my adrenaline would be running and my heart would pound, and falling back asleep would be nearly impossible.

But thankfully it’s been about 4 months since I’ve had that horrid nightmare. UNTIL–last night! Last night Zoey slept with us, which is something we let her do on special occasions, like after she gets a bath, or if we’ve been out of town and neglected her, or if she does a good potty outside, or if she goes longer than 30 minutes without barking, or if she looks extra cute and snugly–you know, special occasions. So it was a special occasion and she cuddled right in between myself and my husband and all was wonderful until 2:37 in the morning, when I woke up and thrashed around thinking she was suffocating in the covers, and called out “ZOEY! Zoey is in the bed!” I grabbed her expecting to find a limp and lifeless dog, and instead found a snoring and happily sleeping dog.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t understand why I think my dog and baby are going to die in my bed. I seem to be okay, and I sleep there every night. Maybe I ate some bad shell fish, or maybe I need a therapist to tell me that I’m a total nut-job.


Years ago I experienced the same sort of thing when I took Tylenol with codeine after surgery. It’s scarey, and I haven’t taken codeine since. I wish I had a solution for your dilema. Maybe don’t let anyone sleep with you. even dogs!

by Grandma J on June 30, 2008

I’m glad to know that I am not the only crazy one because I did the same thing (multiple times) with Mackenzie. It is such a scary horrible feeling!

by Kristin on June 30, 2008

I’ve had similar moments – waking up in a panic trying to find my baby. I don’t think you are a nut job. It’s hard being a parent, let alone sleep deprived.

by Marketing Mama on July 1, 2008

That sheet thing always happened to me too, I am so glad to hear I was not alone.

by Dianne Erwin on July 5, 2008

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Great pictures, she’s lovely. 🙂

by Marketing Mama on May 23, 2008

So cute!

by Dena on May 25, 2008

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Still Not Sleeping Through the Night

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May 22, 2008


It pretty much goes like this, EVERY NIGHT:

I stop drinking all liquids at 9:00.
I get home from school at around 10:30
I visit the toilet one last time
and then I go to bed anywhere from 11:30 to 12

…then I wake up at 3:00 to pee. EVERY NIGHT.
It started when I was pregnant. and I had Berlyn, in tiny fetus form, pressing on my inside parts, forcing me to use the bathroom all the time! This was not fun, but I understood it. I expected it. 3 to 4 times a night in my last trimester, I was waking up to pee, and sometimes to fart.

Then she was born and the waking me up continued, but this time it was to scream as loud as she could until mommy’s ears bled.

But then Berlyn slept through the night at an impressive age, yet I still woke up to pump my breast milk at 4 in the morning, because if I didn’t I drastically lost my supply.

Now I don’t have anymore milk to pump, I don’t have a infant demanding to be fed, and I sure as hell don’t have a fetus pushing on my inside parts. So what gives?? When is it my turn to sleep through the night?

1 Comment:

this probably doesn’t make you feel any better, but i wake up EVERY night between 3:00 and 4:00 to pee and feed my cat who thinks the middle of the night is “play” time. half the time i find my husband sound asleep on the couch, but without fail – EVERY night i gotta go – sometimes twice. and i’ve tried cutting off liquids after like 7:00 and for some reason it doesn’t work.

half the time i feel like i should call that number from the “over-active bladder” commercial. “gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now!” ha!!

by allie on May 22, 2008

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First Steps


May 16, 2008

It’s funny, I actually got used to the fact that Berlyn isn’t walking. Oddly enough, it’s weird for me to envision her walking. Like when I think her going off to her first day of pre-school, I consider making sparkly, bedazzled knee pads so she has something soft to crawl on. And for her wedding day, maybe some lacy gloves, so her hands don’t get dirty as she crawls down the isle.

But seriously people, it is bound to happen. Her first steps are imminent. And they just so happened LAST NIGHT!! Oh, and I wasn’t there. Yeah, I missed my FIRST child take her FIRST steps. This is why I don’t work, so I don’t miss things like this, and so I can slather myself with tanner any time of the day, while eating hummus straight out of the container.
My husband and my mom were watching her last night while I was at school, cutting lame peoples’ hair, and they decided that they were going to get Berlyn to practice her walking skills. Well, apparently she took three or four steps, and walked straight into dada’s arms! When I got home I had Pat recreate the whole thing, complete with Berlyn’s coos of delight and drool, he was good, but it wasn’t the same. I contemplated waking Berlyn out of a deep sleep just so I can see her walk. But instead I waited for morning. When she woke up, I peeled back the covers with a jolt and headed straight into her room. I plopped her down on the ground and tried to get her to walk to me, but she was more interested in her box of books next to her crib. I waited 15 minutes and tried again, but this time she was hungry. Then I tried again, but instead she wanted to play with her train. CRAP. Thus far I think my mom and husband are liars.
But mark my words: Today Berlyn will walk for me, and bonus points if I have the video camera and still camera set up on tripods to record this moment, even though it isn’t her first attempt…


yay! We need a video.

by amy on May 16, 2008

my daughter waited until she was 15 months to walk.

Why bother, when we were happy to carry her everywhere?

My son, on the other hand, walked at 9 months.

He was tired of being stuck in the exersaucer while we all did our thing.

by manager mom on May 16, 2008

Pretty soon she’ll be running and you’ll be all, “why did I want this?”

by Tootsie Farklepants on May 17, 2008

It’s all a lie. Berlyn has been walking for months. She just does it in secret.

by melinda on May 19, 2008

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Walking is soo Over Rated


May 2, 2008

How do you not compare? How do you look at other babies and not compare and judge? I could give my left dimpled butt-cheek that your baby sticks his pointer finger high in the air when asked how old he is. Or that your daughter can say 18 words (most of which aren’t words at all, but mere sounds like, Ah, daa, goo. And no, nothing about those words remotely resembled ball, dad, or Guggenheim). But yet, in the back of my mind, while I’m nodding politely at your baby who is using sign language to tell you that he wants his bottle (he’s still using a bottle??), I am judging you. It’s a peaceful and unmotivated judgment, but I am judging you none the less.

But in all fairness and honesty, I think you’re judging me too. You see, I read a statistic in What to Expect, the Toddler Years, that said 90% of all 15 month olds are walking. Which means that my baby is in the 10% group of babies that is not. I don’t know why she isn’t walking yet, and I’ve given her plenty of opportunities. But for some reason her inability to walk is giving me a complex. I feel like I have failed her as a mother, and that she’s missing out on fun activities. I am insecure when we go to play groups and people ask me how old my daughter is, and when I answer, I feel their eyes smugly judging as they watch her crawl around. I know I am crazy for worrying about this, and I’ve been told a handful of times that it’s a blessing by exasperated mothers that are chasing their overactive walkers, but they’re just being nice albeit, a little condescending.

I can’t force her to walk, and from the looks of it, she’s really not all that into it. She pushes things around, and holds my hand, but as soon as I let go she collapses to the floor, and it takes everything in me not to get frustrated. My mom tells me that I didn’t walk until 15 months, and now I’m a fabulous walker. I know nothing is ‘wrong’ with her, but in our twisted society, babies that pick up new things quickly are praised as geniuses and child prodigies, and is it so much to ask that my baby be the best baby in the whole wide world?


perhaps it’s my fault, i’ve been spending much more time teaching her how to flick-navigate photos on the iphone than walk. i bet the other 15-month-olds in her play group can’t do that.

by pat on May 2, 2008

It is just the way it is…I swear it gets a bit easier- but not much. She is perfect and you know that, but it is hard. The whole judgement issue is swirling around us from the moment they come out…A judgement/guilt tornado. Just relax and know that on the day she decides to walk you can look back on this brilliant archive you have created for her and smile…

by amy on May 2, 2008

I just picked up Dooce’s book if you want to have a read when I’m done!

by Amanda on May 2, 2008

My son and youngest daughter walked at 11 months. More importantly, by 7-8 months, they could get anywhere in the house by holding on to things and cruising around.

My middle daughter, she didnt walk until 16 months…and NEVER cruised around or held onto things. If you set her down somewhere, she would stay there until you moved her, she just had no desire to explore.

She is now 5, and not only can she walk, but she has a dance recital tomorrow, and she does a great job…she is ahead of many of her peers in the physical coordination department.

I wondered if she was a dim bulb, if you know what I mean, since she didnt have the urge for curious exploration as a toddler. Quite the contrary, she is very bright, again, ahead of her peers in that area.

I will say, that she is more cuddly and content than my other two….outgoing, but not bouncing off the walls with energy, thank God.

Im sure Berlyn will not only walk soon, but one day you will see this as a part of her personality, a good part.

by heart shaped hedges on May 3, 2008

Berlyn is brilliant. She doesn’t need to walk to prove it! And yes, walking is over rated.

by Dena on May 4, 2008

You said it all in the title!

by Dianne on May 4, 2008

OK so she can’t walk yet no big deal….Cali is 18 months now and all she says is mom and dad. She has been doig this for about a year now and then she just stopped saying new stuff. Well, she does say Ga and Ca and Da and uummmmmmm. Some things come faster for some kids and the stuff that takes more time will hopefully kick in soon.

by Casey on May 5, 2008

Just wait ’til she soars and looks down on them all.

Seriously, they’re all individuals, I tells ya, and they’re gonna do their things when they are nice and ready. I have long believed that babies and toddlers focus either on physical or verbal skillz, but not both at the same time. So you can get this phenomenally physical kid, but he begins speaking later than “normal.”

And finally, sometimes it’s not about a baby’s inability to do something, but her desire not to try yet. My friend’s son, who is the same age as my son, didn’t walk alone until 16 months, but it was more about not wanting to let go of mommy’s finger than a “problem” with his legs. Just think, there’ll come a day Berlyn will be too embarassed to hold your hand.

by dgm on May 5, 2008

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15 Months


May 1, 2008


Berlyn today you are 15 months old. You’re pretty awesome and every time you smile at me, my heart sings a little song. Kinda sounds like a violin, accordion, djembe, acoustic guitar, and a harmonica, and some birds chirping in the background.

You have been doing some funny things lately, like brushing your hair and stroking your face when you watch me get ready. You point emphatically at my eyeball, nose, mouth, and ear because you just learned what those are. And no matter what you’re doing, all I have to say is, “where’s your belly” and you’ll proudly pull your shirt up and show off your perfectly round belly. You’re a gentle and quiet explorer, and you always show me your newest find by sticking it in my face and saying, HERE, although it sounds more like hareer, or awweh, or bfrreo.



You know all kinds of words, some of your favorites are dog, woof, woof, up, zo-zo, daDA, maMA, hey, and hi. You have a great sense of humor and even though you don’t get the joke, you still laugh with zeal.

You love peas, going for walks, dancing to music, helping mama dress you, and pointing at everything until I tell you what it is.


I delight in getting to know you and shaping who you will become. You bring me infinite joy, and I love you so much that I might squeeze you too long, take too many pictures of you, and never want to say goodnight–you’re just going to have to deal with that, FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, sorry.


I probably don’t have to say this, considering I just wrote a long blog about her, but I’m pretty crazy about your kid. She is so lucky to have such loving parents. Watching your family interact makes my ovaries happy.

by Amanda on May 1, 2008

she is perfect and adorable and mark my words- these months right here- they will pass so quickly- this limbo between baby and real toddler…it is pure magic and so fleeting.It is my favorite age. Berlyn kicks Blaise’s ass in vocab BTW! Go girl! xo

by amy on May 1, 2008

Wow! That went by super fast. I love that little girl with all of my heart.

by Dena on May 2, 2008

That is so beautifully put. I know exactly how you feel. Your little beauty is doing everything at her own pace. Raising these little gifts from GOD is a true test. We are the ones growing here!

by Dianne on May 4, 2008

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1 Comment:

How cool that you have such a great babysitter at your finger tips. I can’t believe how much money people find in their couches and cars. I think I’ll go into the business of cleaning peoples’ couches and cars. I know I could find a tank full of gas money in Kim’s van. I’m gonna make it a project when I go out there.

by Grandma J on April 30, 2008

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April 29, 2008

There’s this website that takes the photos of the mother, father, and baby, and then tells you who your baby more closely resembles.

Before I reveal the outcome of the results, I must tell you that I am naturally a very competitive person. I enjoy feeling triumphant and victorious, and the thought that I am more superior in all ways occasionally finds its way into my mind. Needless to say, there was a lot riding on the results.

So, I submitted this picture of Pat and me:


and this picture of Berlyn:


The website did this neat-o scanning thing, and I felt like I was uploading Top Secret documents for the FBI.

The results were: (Drum roll please.) Berlyn looks 13% more like HER FATHER!!

So, if you want to make my day, casually let me know that Berlyn has my tenacity, passion, or amazing fashion sense.


Yes! I win!

by pat on April 29, 2008

Berlyn is way to pretty to look 87% daddy. She’s a little sweetheart.

by Grandma J on April 29, 2008

I did this too, how funny! Found it on Natalie’s blog. Turns out Van is 50 me and 50 my husband??? hmmm He looks exactly like my husband, but I will keep thinking this little website is correct with their cool technology software stuff!

by Dianne on April 29, 2008

I totally want to try it, but, it kinda reminds me of this photo machine at Dave and Busters. When we were dating or married, or something before kids…we went and had our picture taken…the machine scans my face, then my husbands, then it prints a picture of an what our child will look like. I carried that kids picture around forever….and our real kids look nothing like “her”.

by heart shaped hedges on April 30, 2008

I dunno… she looks pretty much like you, IMO. Which is stunning, btw.

by Tootsie Farklepants on May 1, 2008

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Beach Day

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April 15, 2008

We went to the beach this weekend, for two reasons: 1, it was bloody-hot, and 2, I got a new bathing suit. But really, if we’re being honest…the main reason we went to the beach was because I got a new bathing suit.







1 Comment:

Love the new suit, almost bought it in brown! I love love love the faux hawk.

by Dena on April 15, 2008

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