Hippo Brigade

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I’m a zombie today

Not like a real zombie. Although that would be awesome. I’d wander around sucking people’s blood, eating cantaloupe, and running over bunnies with my car.

Wait.

What exactly do zombies do?

If my fourth grade teacher, Mrs. South let me do my state report on zombies instead of Michigan I’d be so much more capable of explaining what a zombie does. So for now they eat cantaloupe and run over bunnies.

So what was my point?

Right, I’m a zombie today because I got zero sleep last night, because of Berlyn. I think she just has my best interests at hand and is trying to remind me of how little sleep I will get when her baby brother comes. But news flash, Berlyn, I don’t need to be reminded. I was there. And right now I need 10 plus hours of sleep a day, and don’t judge me because you get like 14.

Before I went to bed last night I checked on Berlyn and noticed that she felt warm. I took her temperature, and sure enough she had a fever.

After I found out about her fever I was physically incapable of falling asleep. Every hour I’d get up and wander into her room to check on her, because in those times when I was trying to fall asleep I was envisioning her going into shock or convolutions because of her fever. Or what if she stopped breathing, or what if I couldn’t hear her through the monitor and she really, really needed me?

You see? I’m crazy, and It’s kind of my fault, not hers that I didn’t get any sleep.

At 2:30 this morning I checked on her again, and this time she woke up. I figured this was a good opportunity to give her some Tylenol and try to cool her off. But all she wanted to do was play with her toys and the dog, and go see her daddy. The whole house was wide awake for an hour, and she was confused about why the sun wasn’t out. I had to keep reminding her that she was sick and needed to sleep, which in turn meant mamma could sleep, which ultimately meant no bunnies have to die.

After that episode I tried to go back to bed, but again every hour, I was up checking on my child like some paranoid freaky mother.

Today she still has a fever and it’s pretty dang high, I mean if I had a fever that high I’d probably be in the E.R. But she’s all, ‘oh, this fever, it’s no big thing mom. I got this. Now hand me my blocks and help me build a castle, bitch.’

Okay so she didn’t call me a bitch, but how funny would that be?

I don’t get it. How could a very sick child act like nothing is wrong?

Is she faking a fever? Is that even possible?

I think the only logical explanation is that she’s a zombie.

5 Comments

Kathy
9/16/09
2:28 pm

After your last Q&A post, I can only imagine what kind of hits you are going to get with this post.

Hopefully nothing kinky with cantaloupes!

Erika Wilder
9/16/09
2:39 pm

Funny stuff.. now go help with the castle bitch lol

dgm
9/16/09
4:46 pm

First of all Miss Smartypants, what can you tell us about Michigan? Mmmhmmmm, thought so–about as much as you can tell us if you had written a report on zombies instead.

Second of all, fever plus a kid who still wants to play means that she is not likely to die because of it, and that her little zombie body is just doing its job. So you can go back to bed.

Second and a half, some kids just get high fevers; you only have to really worry about seizures when there is a rapid change in temperature (rather than an absolute high temperature. Unless it’s, like, 166 degrees or more).

Third, if you saw “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” you know that when a child successfully fakes a fever it’s because his mother is really stupid. I don’t think Berlyn can pull the wool over your bright eyes. (Yet.)