September 23, 2008
When I was a little girl there were a few things that I wanted to be when I grew up. My parents always used to tell me that I should be a doctor or a lawyer, but I had other, less complicated aspirations for myself. One in particular was to be a shampoo bottle writer.
I’m not quite sure of the technical name for it, maybe marketing and advertising for personal hygiene products…?
But when I was little, all I wanted to do was be the person who wrote the little paragraph on the back of the bottle, which might have looked something like this:
Fancy Lady Shampoo transforms your funky, dry, lack-luster, nasty, tresses into shiny luxurious locks that when other people see your hair, they get into car accidents, or trip and fall, because your hair looks that phenomenal. No more struggling with bad hair days, coxing your hair under a stinky beany, or calling in sick because your hair is scary. Instead you can have the hair other women covet, and men want to run their fingers through, and babies want to pull, and dogs want to hump. Let your hair soak up the calming aroma of luscious lavender, and energetic mint, and try not to think too hard about the fact that we use placenta in our products to not only fortify and protect your hair, but to also to give it that afterbirth glow. Envelope your senses and evolve your ho-hum shower experience into a rejuvenating and cleansing retreat. Unleash the rich lather and unleash the Fancy Lady in you.
I donno, it’s a start, and maybe as a kid I wouldn’t use the words “hump” and “afterbirth” to describe a shampoo, but as an adult, I sure as hell would.