Whatever you do, don’t sit next to THAT girl.


January 21, 2009

I’ve noticed something peculiar with myself. OR maybe it’s that I’ve noticed something peculiar with other people, because most of the time it’s the other people that are strange,  but whatever it is, it’s frickin weird:

When I’m in a school, or lecture, or sitting in a group of people to learn some stuff, nobody sits by me. What the eff people?? Do I have the stinkies? Do I look like a crazy bitch who will show you an origami crane I made with one hand, and then stab you in the shoulder with the other hand, and then, while you’re on the ground rolling around in pain, take your monogrammed Coach bag? Do I not look friendly, cute, or personable? Maybe it’s that I look overly eager to have a friend. Perhaps I look like I want to be your best friend and talk through the whole class, and tell you all about my yeast infection, and my botched highlights, and how my dog likes her belly rubbed. I think that’s what it is. I’m too friendly.  Well, there’s nothing wrong with being too friendly, is there?

Well fine then. I’ll be a subtle bitch. I’ll sit down and as soon as you look like you’re going to sit next to me, I’ll whip out my phone and start to check my email. I think it’s actually a good thing that no one sits by me. That means I get to put my bag on the chair next to me, and I can fart freely, and I can look like one of those self assured, empowered girls that don’t need people to sit next to them to measure their self worth. 


I’m fine with it, really I am.


Dude, farting freely is a HUGE benefit. Who needs friends when you have farts?

by Yellaphant on January 21, 2009

I will ALWAYS sit next to you. Besides, I like the way your farts smell.

by Dena Lucas on January 21, 2009

See, what you gotta do is arrive at the last minute and sit next to someone. If they get up and leave, you’ll know it’s definitely you, not them. And you can be all, “Hey! Where you goin’?”

by dgm on January 22, 2009

I’d sit next to you. Yeast infection story and all.

by Michelle on January 23, 2009

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