Vegetarian
7 Comments
July 14, 2009
I tried to be vegetarian once. It was college, and I was already starving myself with a diet that mainly went like this: coffee, coffee, piece of bread, coffee, Coco Pebbles, alcohol and some more Coco Pebbles.
I kept in my dorm mini fridge/pantry stocked with Easy Mac, Pringles, anything chocolate, and cereal, so I was practically living a meatless lifestyle already.
But then one day I decided to go all vegetarian on my ass. Just like that. It was as if I forgot how yummylishious a hamburger or rack of lamb tasted, because I couldn’t really afford anything other than the food that Target sold.
And I wasn’t going to be one of those lazy vegetarians, you know the ones they say crap like, I’m a vegetarian, but I still eat chicken, and fish.
So…then you’re not a vegetarian, you just don’t eat certain types of meat. What you should be saying is, I’m a picky eater, who likes to exaggerate and be obnoxious just for the sake of sounding interesting. And now please excuse me while I prick myself in the neck several times with this fork for being so obnixious.
No, I wasn’t going to be like that. I was going to go all out. No meat. No bacon, no ribs, no hamburgers, no filet mignon. Nothing but tofu cubes and lentils for me.
I felt like I was making a difference in the world. I felt like I had more energy, and I thought of all the sweet baby piggies, chickens, and cows I was saving by not eating them.
When my friends were all giggling and eating drippy red meat, I was fine. I didn’t try to sneak bites of their crunchy taco from Del Taco when they weren’t looking, I didn’t draw pictures of a fried chicken in a bucket in the margins of my notes in my Shakespeare class. I kept it together.
Then one day it wasn’t great anymore, it was a pain in my ass. It’s complicated to be a vegetarian. And I started to miss bacon, and I gave it up. I mean, really, a life without bacon really isn’t a life worth living.
I went through a period in my life when I was an accidental vegetarian: I didn’t eat chicken because one time I went to view some autopsies and discovered that even skinny humans have a thick yellow layer of fat on their abdomens, and this fat layer looked EXACTLY like the fat on chickens in the meat section (before grocery stores started removing it). Beef and pork were too expensive; fish was too complicated. But then one day I started making more money and wanting to eat something other than broccoli and VOILA! My affair without meat ended.
Mmmmmm. Bacon.
by dgm on July 14, 2009
I was a vegetarian for awhile. I was all about making a social statement. I even went so far as to be a full out vegan (no milk, eggs, cheese, etc). The problem is, I’m a really picky eater, I don’t like beans at all and I really don’t like vegetables. Then it occured to me, I really, really loved steak. Screw saving cows and all that crap. I wanted steak. So I ate one: a big rare, bloody steak. Turns out, that makes you a pretty bad vegetarian.
by Merritt on July 15, 2009
Sounds like a perfectly rational progression to me. And you’re correct…”life without bacon really isn’t a life worth living”.
by Eric on July 15, 2009
Agreed. I lived on the afore-referenced diet in college as well. Except substitute “coffee” with “diet coke” and add cheese. Because, as we all know, cheese is the MVP of foods.
by Kelly on July 15, 2009
My old roomies decided to be vegan. Of course, this is after years of them saying they wouldn’t eat beef, didn’t like seafood and kinda only liked chicken as long as it wasn’t on the bone (wha??). So instead of just being vegetarians, they went vegan, but they allow themselves to have cream or cheese, etc, if they’re out at a restaurant or if someone else is cooking, which could be seen as thoughtful since they’re trying to be flexible for someone else, BUT, I kinda see it as wishy-washy veganism and it makes me roll my eyes at them.
by Bellacantare on July 16, 2009
Bacon is probably the main reason I’d never be a vegetarian.
by littlemsblogger on July 17, 2009
I was a vegetarian for many years. man, i was skinny. then i got pregnant with my first kid and started craving chili cheese dogs. i’d go back but then i’d have to live without bacon and that is not an option. so, i’ll settle with being fat.
by gorillabuns on July 28, 2009
Leave a comment