HIPPO BRIGADE

This is Why I don’t Go to the Doctor

I’ve been sick this whole week. Nothing too intense, don’t worry. Just a sore, scratchy throat that keeps me up ALL NIGHT LONG. But to insure that I don’t have strep throat that could possibly be passed on to my adorable child, I went to the doctor’s office yesterday for a exam. First the nurse came in and took down all my vitals. Then the doctor came in:

Dr: Open your mouth and stick your tongue out.
Me: (blushing) Oh, I just had some tea, so I might have some stinkies in there, sorry. Ahhhh.
Dr: (feeling my lymph nodes) Are you having any trouble going to the bathroom?
Me: Um…noo?
Dr: Diarrhea or constipation?
Me: (didn’t I just answer this question? I guess she’s just my type of people; girlfriend just likes to talk about poop, that’s cool) No…all that’s pretty regular. Although, come to think of it, I am a bit gassier than usual. Does that help?
Dr: No.
(she pulls out her stethoscope and checks my heart) Have you always had that click?
Me: Whaaa?
Nurse: Yeah, I heard it too, it was like click, click (snapping her tongue).
Me: Whaaaaa??
Dr: Take a deep breath.
Me: Huh? Oh, right, yeah, deep breath, okay.
Dr: Oh, good. It went away. I was ready to pull in the EKG machine.
Me: Thank you?

Well, shit. Turns out, I don’t have strep, but I do have a spastic clicking heart. I’d prefer the strep, please.