March 13, 2009
I’ve been blogging for about a year and a half and while I don’t claim to be any good at it, I still have picked up some pointers along the way to construct what I think is the perfect blog post:
- Make sure you have at least two run on sentences: It all started when I was in third grade and Mrs. Jackson was teaching us about diction and proper sentence structure, I immediately scoffed at the idea of containing my thoughts in compartmentalized sentences; to me it’s like roping the wind, and if we’re being honest, I just don’t have the time to put little periods at the end of a thoughts, and then capitalize the next letter of the new sentence, I mean who has the time for that?? … and I have been running- on ever since.
- Flirt with danger, and by danger, I mean cuss. Using the f-word should only be reserved for very special moments, like the birth of a child or when there’s a really good sale at Fred Segal. But shit, damn, hot dog, and crap should be used liberally.
- Toilet humor always insures a good time.
- A little self deprecation is necessary to convey to the folks that you are still vulnerable and a fragile flower. This also helps you look less like of a punk-ass bitch, and more like a relatable friend.
- Lie. Or do what I like to call, gentle exaggeration. If for instance, someone gave you a dirty look at the grocery store when they saw your child throwing a tantrum, and you retaliated with an over dramatic eye-roll/loud sigh combo, that translates into BOR-ING. Instead say that you beat her over the head with a trashy gossip magazine, made her pay for your groceries, and then stole her shoes. It makes for a far more interesting read. Trust me.
- Oh, and don’t forget to add an offensive, yet intriguing photo:
And HOT DOG! You got your self a pretty amazingly perfect blog post, courtesy of your pals at Hippo Brigade. You’re Welcome.