The Perfect Blog Post

I’ve been blogging for about a year and a half and while I don’t claim to be any good at it, I still have picked up some pointers along the way to construct what I think is the perfect blog post:  

  • Make sure you have at least two run on sentences: It all started when I was in third grade and Mrs. Jackson  was teaching us about diction and proper sentence structure, I immediately scoffed at the idea of containing my thoughts in compartmentalized sentences; to me it’s like roping the wind, and if we’re being honest, I just don’t have the time to put little periods at the end of a thoughts, and then capitalize the next letter of the new sentence, I mean who has the time for that??  … and I have been running- on ever since.
  • Flirt with danger, and by danger, I mean cuss. Using the f-word should only be reserved for very special moments, like the birth of a child or when there’s a really good sale at Fred Segal. But shit, damn, hot dog, and crap should be used liberally.
  • Toilet humor always insures a good time.
  • A little self deprecation is necessary to convey to the folks that you are still vulnerable and a fragile flower. This also helps you look less like of a punk-ass bitch, and more like a relatable friend.
  • Lie. Or do what I like to call, gentle exaggeration.  If for instance, someone gave you a dirty look at the grocery store when they saw your child throwing a tantrum, and you retaliated with an over dramatic eye-roll/loud sigh combo, that translates into BOR-ING. Instead say that you beat her over the head with a trashy gossip magazine,  made her pay for your groceries, and then stole her shoes. It makes for a far more interesting read. Trust me.
  • Oh, and don’t forget to add an offensive, yet intriguing photo

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And HOT DOG! You got your self a pretty amazingly perfect blog post, courtesy of your pals at Hippo Brigade. You’re Welcome.

7 thoughts on “The Perfect Blog Post

  1. F*ckin’ A!

    (I’m trying to leave a dangerous comment, but I just couldn’t bring myself to drop the entire f-bomb in writing. If we were face-to-face I totally would.)

  2. I love run on sentences and if a blogger uses them I know that we have lots in common on the inside of our brains so I immediately get hooked and put them on my Reader and keep coming back because it makes me feel more normal and gives me some sort of connection with people who have minds that are completely full of wonder and expression.

  3. You’re so fun. Eric and I got a much needed laugh fest getting caught up on Hippo Brigade tonight. And our pair of fundies will be arriving in 7-10 business days.

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