Stroller Strides are Fat Whorey Snobs and I Hope They Trip on a Pile of Sticks and Scrape Their Fat Whorey Knees
August 19, 2009I’m name calling today.
That’s right, I’ve resorted to childish name calling because I am that irate. And no, I am never above name calling.
Never.
The thing is, I decided to be a good mommy today, so I laced up my MBTs and packed Berlyn in her stroller and power-walked my pregnant ass down to the park. This is a little under 3 mile hike, and when you’re pushing a stroller and going uphill, it’s a bit of a challenge.
But the challenge is worth it, just to see my cute daughter playing at the park.
And then I sat on the bench and tried not to hyperventilate, because DAMN. Did I mention I just walked up hill? Pushing a stroller? Pregnant?
So we get there and Berlyn’s all, “Yippie!!”
And I’m all, “I’ll be here. Sitting. With my head between my knees.”
And that’s when the fat loads came in.
They horded my playground.
They were all chatty, and happy, and sweaty.
Those Stroller Strides bitches.
All over the park.
And not just off to one side, away from the kiddos–Noooo. They were all up in every one’s business. In the middle of the park, stretching their legs every which way and talking about their engorged boobies.
No thank you ladies.
Take your sweaty croches and your engorgement issues to the grassy side, away from my child please.
Thanks.
Can you believe that?
I gave them at least 4 dirty looks and said 3 mean comments under my breath as I weaved past their excercise mats, and then I almost stepped on their stupid babies.
Okay sorry, their babies aren’t stupid.
But they are.
Oh and I farted as I passed by them.
A nice big, pregnancy fart.
That will teach them to mess with me.
Ha.
9 Comments
i think you should arm yourself with water balloons and bomb ‘em next time they come in for a park coup d’état. ridiculous-ness.
Mike Krause
8/19/09
4:27 pm
Pulling those MBT’s uphill is tough work.
Dena Lucas
8/19/09
5:39 pm
I don’t understand why they have to stretch on the play ground. You have every right to pregnancy fart on their lame asses. I’ll come with you next time. They won’t even know what hit them.
For some reason I don’t fully understand, these stroller striders bug the hell out of me. I’m not opposed to post-pregnancy exercise, no not at all. But when I see stroller striders and pregnancy boot campers it makes the hair on my back stand on end.
Once you become one, I will change my mind. Either that, or I’ll mock you. I haven’t decided which yet.
I’ve never even heard of a stroller strider, so that goes to show what kind of post pregnancy mom I was.
But, uh… I can see a huge open patch of grass behind that playground. They all have mats. Why can’t they go and do their workout there?
You are right to be annoyed, and I love the water balloon idea!
we have them too, and I hate them. I hate them enough to take their pictures and make fun of them on the internet too:
http://theurbanity.blogspot.com/2008/06/washington-square.html
First I found you from Alive in Wonderland. Second the title of this post really made me want to read it and third I almost fell out of my chair when you posted: “Oh and I farted as I passed by them. A nice big, pregnancy fart. That will teach them to mess with me.”
I like you!
Alison
9/4/09
8:24 am
As much as I’d be annoyed at these ladies unnessecarily taking up playspace, I’m more annoyed by the fact that you find it necessary to call them fat while they are exercising (be it jokingly or not). It’s like calling a dyslexic stupid while he practices reading out loud while sitting next to you. Should you be offended by their inconsiderate ways? Yes, definitely. Should you be offended by their personal challenges? No, i don’t think so.
Suzi
9/14/09
10:26 am
O M G I need to stop reading your blog while I am working because you just made me bust up laughing. You are hilarious!
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