HIPPO BRIGADE

Slightly Dismembered Yeti

After what I’ve been through I would think I was dead. But if I was actually dead, I probably wouldn’t be doing much thinking, or I might be thinking but it would be less labored and I wouldn’t have to take a nap afterwards, AND I would probably be thinking about much cooler things, and NOT be thinking about how I died. 

So raise your hands if you want to hear about my brush with death! Yea! I count at least 6 people. 

Okay here it is:

My friend got married this weekend. So Pat and I grabbed our tiny car and loaded two more folks into it, and headed up a gigantic hill known as the Southern California mountains. We made a lot of twists and turns and then drove on dirt roads, passed 7 bait and tackle shops, rented a canoe, and then hang glided the rest of the way to the hotel where the wedding was at. Finally we got there and it was fabulous, there was dancing, lobster bisque, and one beautiful bride.

Crap-tastic, I forgot my camera, but here is a photo of a beautiful bride, just picture her but with a different dress on. 

Oh, how embarrising, how did this picture get in here...

It was late, we were sleepy and had a 2 hour drive ahead of us, so we left. I drove because hello? I’m a control freak, plus being in the back of a tiny car down a twisty mountain would make me want to vomit on my sexy lady dress, and that would suck a lot. So we all piled into the clown car  and set off! I was driving down a tiny one-lane highway, twisting and turning:

And then we drove into a humungous cloud and visibility went from a 80 to a 0 in one second. There was nothing! NOTHING. Here’s what it looked like in case you have a hard time picturing what nothing looks like:

I slowed to a 2 mph crawl and only saw one lane reflector at a time. ONE. AT. A. TIME. Can you imagine driving like that? Down a spiraling one lane highway of death? With a car full of people you love? One wrong turn and you’re driving off a cliff. Or you could  hit a deer. Or a hitchhiker. Or the Abominable Snowman.

The good news is, we survived. And I only veered off the road and lost control once. But that only resluted in a dismembered yeti, and since we didn’t know the guy we don’t really consider it a loss. 

I think I deserve some kind of special driver’s licence or something. Like one that says “I kick ass driving in zero visibility” or” I only slightly mutilated a yeti, but hey everyone’s alive!” Or something, I don’t know, just a thought.