Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs are Ruining my Life


March 10, 2009


I have a problem, it’s called Reese’s Peanut butter eggs, and I think they’re ruining my life. 

Here’s proof via a conversation I had with my husband last night:


Me: Do you think if I joined the Mexican Circus, and they made me take hormones to grow facial hair, you’d still love me? We’d both have beards, how cute would we be?

Pat: Matching beards, eh? I guess it’s better than matching Crocs. So, yeah, I’d still love you. 

Me: But what if they made me wear Crocs too?

Pat: What are you talking about? Are you considering joining the circus?

Me: No.

Pat: Good. We need to talk about something serious now. Sit down. 

Me: Okay…

Pat: We bought 2 packs of 6 Reese’s eggs 4 days ago and you ate 10. 

Me: WOAH! That’s a lot of math. Are you just showing off for me again?

Pat: What I’m trying to say is, we had 12 eggs, and you ate 10.

Me: …and?

Pat: That’s a lot. Plus, I only had two. 

Me: Well, you should have written your name on them, although I don’t know what good that would have done, because when I want some peanut butter eggs, you better get the fuck out of my way, and your stupid name written on the wrapper won’t slow me down. Mmmm, I think I need a peanut butter egg right now. 

Pat: See? It’s that kind of talk that makes me think you might have a problem. 

Me: Seriously Pat, I can stop at anytime. I just choose not to. I have self control. 

Pat: I think for the duration of this holiday season we should not buy anymore Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs.

Me: But Pat! That’s how I choose to celebrate Jesus’ resurrection! I don’t judge you for celebrating in prayer, so don’t judge me for celebrating with a sweet delicious treat. 

Pat: Oh, my God, woman! You’re worse than I thought. You need help.

Me: No Pat, what I need is a EFFIN’ PEANUT BUTTER EGG!

Oh dear! Please hold me. I do have a problem. 


And so, now I’m on the road to recovery. If you have a Reese’s Peanut Butter Egg, keep it to yourself, I’m far too weak and fragile right now to be tempted.


I spent $15 on various easter reese stuff this weekend. It’s a sickness. Also? Remember those giant filled eggs that we all used to get when we were little? The ones that were like 7 inches in diameter? Yeah, now Reeses makes them.

by Lora on March 10, 2009

Just put on your MBT shoes and walk around the house as you eat them.

by amanda on March 10, 2009

i ran away from the candy aisle today. i can’t put on another pound or my whole body is going to give out.

by gorillabuns on March 10, 2009

So you started with 12 and you ate 10? I’m still trying to see the problem.

by Dena Lucas on March 11, 2009

I have two words for Pat (but I will let you deliver them): community property.

Also, “in sickness and in health.” (That’s four words, so I guess I really have six words for Pat. I know, I know–that’s a lot of math.)

by dgm on March 12, 2009

I love those things but I gave up chockate for Lent, it kills me to see them and not be able to have them. They’re so much better than regular peanut butter cups! Just tell Pat you’re eating them for me!

by Lisa - your cousin on March 17, 2009

Leave a comment