Preschool Sucks

1 Comment

October 25, 2010

** I’m Lazy. Read this note:

I wrote this post for the OC Family website a few weeks ago.

I’m recycling it. Because recycling is good for the environment.

Berlyn started preschool.

Here are the pros and cons.

I’ll start with the cons, and then, well…why don’t I just skip the pros altogether, because the pros seem kinda self-explanatory, right?

Because school is good. Learning stuff is nice. Macramé+tempera paint = a good time, yadi, yadi, yadi.

  • Con #1

I have to get up early. This is shameful. Because I am a sleeper. And I’m damn good at it too. I can sleep like no one’s business. Just watch me…Wait, don’t watch me sleep, that’s weird. STOP IT, YOU’RE FREAKING ME OUT!

  • Con #2

I have to get dressed and look presentable. Because my daughter’s teacher is cute, and not only is she cute, but the whole mess of teachers at her school are super adorable and bouncy and blonde, and they make me feel self-conscious. So instead of looking all slechpy, I wake up (groan) and force myself to wear jeggings and a scarf and a sassy pair of shoes. THEN, as if waking up and getting dressed wasn’t bad enough, I actually have the energy after I drop Berlyn off, to run errands. At 8:45 in the morning!! Who runs errands at 8:45 in the morning!? Bloomingdale’s isn’t even open that early. But there I am, pounding on their door, shouting to the maintenance man that I can see him and he’d better let me in because I have a coupon!!

  • Con #3

Berlyn has been in school for 4 weeks now and has been sick 4 times already.

Um, hello? In case you didn’t know, that’s a lot of sick up in my house. Fortunately, I have the immunity of a jungle cat, but my darling baby boy does not, and I’d like him to stay perfect and booger free, thankyouverymuch.

I don’t know how many more ways I can tell my daughter not to lick other kid’s noses. Or to not eat other people’s sneezes. Or please don’t rub your eyeball on those pencils. But does she listen? Nooo. So when she gets home I have to spray her down with a decontaminate and make her eat a bowl full of oranges.

  • Con #4

Kids are little turds. Berlyn is picking up all these bad behaviors from the kids she’s now hanging out with, and there’s really nothing I can do about it. I just have to pray that what I have done to teach her about being nice and not to talk about her poop is enough. I’m not there to referee her actions 24-7. And it breaks my heart when I hear from her that someone wasn’t being nice to her. So much heart breaking, in fact, that it takes everything in me not to bust down little Sally Mae’s door and give her a piece of my mind.

So in conclusion, I don’t much care for preschool:

Waking up early is stupid, getting dressed and being productive blows, catching people’s sick germs is for losers, and other kids are turds (not yours of course, yours are sweet muffins with a cinnamon glaze).

But I think it’s something I’m going to have to get used to, because Berlyn has lots and lots of school ahead of her.

1 Comment:

playa please. my day starts at 4:30 every morning. i can’t wait to have kids so i can finally sleep in. i kid you not that those words actually did leave my mouth recently. in fact i’m pretty sure it was “maybe i should just make a baby now so i can finally sleep in and stop being so goddamned hungover all the time” because lordy when you’re 26 those hangovers are so much worse than when you were 21.

by Yellaphant on November 2, 2010

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