HIPPO BRIGADE

Pregnancy Cravings

You all know the drill: Female in waiting wants everything in sight RIGHT NOW.

It’s kind of pathetic. And I actually thought I’d be above cravings, because I am a more developed species.

I know this because I don’t make a weird face when I put on eye make-up, and I never became enamored with The New Kids on the Block in the 5th grade like all my lame friends. And they’d all prance around wearing their New Kids on the Block giant buttons on their shoulder padded shirts, and I’d be all, “I just want you to know that I am more evolved than you because I refuse to put Joey McIntyre on my ‘guys I want to see naked’ list, and one day I’ll never succumb to pregnancy cravings. And please excuse me because I have to go shave my legs now.” And then I paused while everyone gasped and got used to the idea that I was in fact more superior than them.

Only that someday is now, and yes, I’ve succumbed. Kinda sounds like a dirty word, doesn’t it? Not only have I succumbed but I turn into a fire monster who threatens to eat the dog if I don’t get my pregnancy craving met at the very moment that I first notice it.

Early in my pregnancy it was Trader Jo’s whole wheat sourdough toast with butter.

Then all I wanted was deli sandwiches from Big O to Go.

Yup, you read that right, Big O To Go.

I never did received a Big O from them, so I think that might have something to do with why I stopped craving their sandwiches.

Then it became Pinwheels. These marshmallow chocolate cookie things that are like pillows of melt-in-your-mouth heaven.

Now it’s cereal.

I’ve been eating so much of Golden Smacks that my pee smells like Golden Smacks. And I need a bigger bowl. Because these stupid, tiny ‘cereal bowls’ I got at Crate and Barrel can suck it. I need one of those metal mixing bowls that hold 7 quarts of cereal. That way, not only can I smell my Golden Smacks pee, but my neighbors will be able to too.

The thought of it just makes you want to move right next door to me, doesn’t it?