On Becoming an Accidental Introvert


March 27, 2013

I’ve always identified with an extrovert’s personality.

Controlled chos? I love it.

Throwing a party? As long as there’s cake, I’ll be there.

Lonely days where I don’t talk to anyone all day? I go nuts. NUTS I TELL YOU.

That’s why my kids are my BFFs. Unhealthy, I know.

There have also been several occasions where someone is describing a cool place or their future plans of vacation, I tend to say, “Ohh, take me, I want to go too!” Which always makes for some uncomfortable eye contact. It’s not that I really want to invite myself on your honeymoon, it’s just that I’ve never been to St. Croix or wherever you’re going, and it sounds so good, and I like you, and in my mind it would be fun to have a group vay-kay, no?

Growing up, my house was the one where all our friends and family ended up. It was like, par-tay over heerre! We had a pool and giant 5-pound bags of chips, so all the time, and especially in the summer there was a constant flow of visitors.

I grew up eating heaps of onion dip out of a crystal serving dish and waiting in line to use my own bathroom.

But then I married an introvert.

And with that, the onion dip left the building.

I didn’t think it would effect me too much.

I kind of liked the idea of some peace and quiet. I was looking forward to a more exclusive life. A respite.

But now, eight years later, the respite has evolved into less of a break, and more of our daily life.

And it dawned on me that I have become an introvert. Unbenownst to me.

We don’t let many people through our threshold.

We do our own activities on the weekend, and never extend the invitation to any one else.

We don’t belong to a life group and even going to church has become a major chore.


But to be honest, I don’t like it.

It drives me crazy. I love people. I love to talk and make plans and have company and laughter.

Of course we have friends, and have people over, but being married to an introvert, plus being an accidental introvert myself, we have become more selective about who we are friends with.

People have to pass a veritable friend gauntlet, if you will.

It’s a rigorous six week period where we judge you based on your clothes, your taste in music, your food choices, your political views, your children’s’ behavior, your leisure time activities, and the interior of your vehicle.

But once you pass, you’re in. FOREVER.
Because once Pat and I deem you our friend, we hold on tight, and never ever let you go.

It’s like getting a hug from a grizzly bear. And who doesn’t want to be mauled, I mean hugged by a furry, albeit vicious animal?

Come to my house, I’ll make Paella! I’ve never made it before, but it sounds like it’s something that can feed a crowd.

I might even serve onion dip out of a crystal bowl.

And let’s start this 6 week friend period!


I feel ya on this one. I grew up in the “party house” but now I rarely have people over. Partly because parking is a pain in the ass at my apartment, but mostly because I’m too paralyzed by perfection. If the house isn’t perfectly cleaned and decorated, I won’t invite people over. And that never happens, so I never have people over.

by Anne on March 27, 2013

Hey Beckey, I miss you.

by amanda on March 27, 2013

On my way!

by melinda on March 27, 2013

Well it’s a darn good thing I was grandfathered in! I’m not sure I would pass the test now. Especially if you’re doing interior vehicle checks!
Some of my favorite childhood memories were made at your house. Pesto and pasta, chocolate milk (shaken not stirred), huge bowls of pudding, moon tans, a mouse at the foot of my bed thanks to a certain drooling cat who shall remain nameless. Not to mention group vay-kays to san clemente, tennis ball heads, “what’s the weather going to be like tomorrow?”, dishes, mudslides, and caboodles.
Miss you, friend.

by Heather on March 27, 2013

Haha, I get it. But not only are we accidental introverts, we are accidentally old people too. (Like, we go to sleep at 8:45, everything is always too loud, and we get crabby when kids are in our yard). And I agree that group activities require way too much energy and coordination. I guess it’s how you know you have true friends, they put up with the surly-ness!

by Rachel on March 30, 2013

I have always wanted friends with very, very discerning tastes and socially acceptable OCD!

by Erin Huckaby on April 16, 2013

This write-up is AWESOME! and I’m coming over for 6 weeks. You don’t have to worry, I know we’ll be just fine as friends. Oh wait, I live in Chicago. Looks like it’s not going to work out.
I’m an extrovert married to an introvert and throw a couple of kids in and who wants to come over to our messy house? Plus, what if I like you, but don’t care for your kids? Or my kids don’t care for you kids? And, I am down with the group vay-kay! I need re-inforcements and other people’s material (meaning nuances and ticks, in addition to mine) to laugh about and with!

by Jessica on April 17, 2013

Leave a comment