Not a Soccer Mom


March 11, 2013

I feel like I’m letting my children down.

Well, let me be more clear, because, yeah, I probably let them down for a number of reasons on a given day.

No, you can’t have yogurt, because, it’s basically ice cream.

None of your friends are outside, go play with your brother.

No you can’t be pants-less all day.

These cookies are mommy-cookies. Not for kids.

But I’m specifically talking about sports.

I’ve raised a couple of non-athletic children. Try throwing a ball at them. It’s like they have their eyes closed, and they’re underwater. The ball just hits them in the face. It’s basically like throwing a ball at my grandma. And my kids don’t even ride bikes. MY KIDS DON’T RIDE THEIR BIKES! Every kid is supposed to ride their bikes, but my kids are all, meh, about it. See? Letting them down.

I feel like I have to say something about this. My kids aren’t really intersted in riding their bikes, but we do go on three-mile hikes just about every weekend. So in my brain, that makes it alright.




Plus, you can’t really do this while riding your bike:


So then there’s the sports thing. I keep missing the sign ups for soccer. Every year, without fail for the past 3 years, I have missed the sign ups. But I think it’s partially Freudian. Because deep down I don’t want to be a soccer mom. I don’t want to cart around a cooler filled with Capri Suns and oranges slices. I don’t want to drag my lawn chair with me and watch a bunch of wildly uncoordinated 6 year-olds chase a ball down a field. And I don’t want to make friends with the other soccer moms. I don’t want to engage in small talk about how Sophie’s mom makes her daughter’s bows to match her jersey. Or talk to Maddison’s mom about about Maddy’s peanut allergy. Blurg.

But I think I have to suck it up, because Hudson is very interested in joining a soccer team.

High Fiver, because he’s too young this year.

Which means I have one more year to enjoy before I have to lug around a cooler and my tri-fold lawn chair.  The plastic tubes one. Neon pink. So my kids can spot me.

Capri Sun anyone?


Every year I’d ask my daughter, with some trepidation, “You don’t want to play soccer . . . do you?” and the answer was always NO! All of her friends played and it took up all of their Saturdays, but she wasn’t having it. Yay! However, we did (still do) have a rule that the kids don’t have to play on a sports team but they do have to engage in physical activity of some sort. Sometimes it’s just a hike down the bluffs at San O to run around the tidepools and do cartwheels in the sand and then hike back up; sometimes they swim or take jiu-jitsu or yoga or ballroom dancing. My daughter’s never been a team sport girl and I’m totally fine with that so long as she MOVES. Until my son found rugby this year (OMG how he loves it) I thought we were free of Saturdays in a lawn chair. Happily, however, the families are super cool and all about letting the kids have fun.

by dgm on March 11, 2013

High fiver – precisely.

But, if we were on the same soccer team – I’d be all up in your business. And you’d like it.

by Kathleen on March 11, 2013

I like my family hang time weekends. I don’t want to be a soccer mom either. Bike riding will come later, when they want to.

by Jessica on March 11, 2013

But you would be such a fashionista soccer mom and all the other moms would want to copy your style! 🙂

by Judy on March 11, 2013

My almost 7-year-old dude has NO interest in riding his bike, throwing a ball or swinging a bat. But, man, he creates insane comic books and journals like a mothereffer. I personally think I hit the jackpot. (Full disclosure – he plays soccer every fall because I think it’s good for him to mingle with the jocks once in awhile.)

by whoorl on March 11, 2013

Sounds like me girls. I figure they have time enough to be competitive though they really aren’t. Plus, the don’t like to sweat.

by gorillabuns on March 11, 2013

Don’t even sweat it. I’ve had other moms give me the stank eye just because we don’t do team sports. I look at it this way; those kids are sometimes doing it because their parents think they need to do it, totally fine. Just as my kids don’t do it because I don’t think they need to do it and they haven’t shown a lot of interest. Either way, it’s okay. We do karate 2x week for our oldest, but nothing for our 5.5 yr old, they both get a lot of time at the skatepark and snowboarding, hiking, etc. They get PLENTY of exercise at school outdoors because they spend most of their time outside, playing in nature. (by the way, you have to email me if you want the name of the school because I am 100% certain it’s your cup of tea place and we’re in south OC, and it’s not $). Do what you feel is right.

by Karla on March 11, 2013

When Mea announced that she did not want to do softball this Spring, I took her out and bought her a present. Softball practice, softball games, softball moms and dads and the coaches made me completely crazy.

Dance moms were awful when Mack did that.

Gymnastics moms are awful with Mea.

I clearly need to work on my socializing skills.

by Kelly on March 12, 2013

[…] I’ve already established that I’m not a soccer mom. But I keep feeling this nagging sensation that I need to enroll my daughter into some […]

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