the Hippo Brigade

New Year’s Eve!

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January 1, 2012

To say that my New Year’s Eve was fabulous would be a gross misrepresentation of the word fabulous. Being fabulous evokes other fabulous words like suaré and bubbly and hors d’oeuvre and cocktail dress. While there were none of those things in my New Year’s Eve evening, I did I drink Sprite out of the can which could maybe count for the bubbly?

Hudson was sick and as a responsible parent I declined plans to party in L.A. Don’t press me any further on the details of this alleged party in L.A., because I might just fold and tell you that our very posh sounding plans included bringing our two kids to our friends’ house to party with their two kids. We were in for a veritable mish-mash of eating too many goldfish crackers and being over served on apple juice. But after the children went to bed, I was sure there would be friendship, smoked meats, and drunken texts, possibly containing a photograph of me sitting AC-Slater-style on a kitchen chair giving the camera phone my white girl version of a gang sign and sexy eyes. I can’t be too sure, because none of this happened. Remember, Hudson was sick and I was being responsible, and yada, yada, yada…?

So instead we sat at home for a while and Pat taught Berlyn how to play video games, which mainly looked like her sitting contently on the couch while he played. Berlyn, starving for fatherly affection, and Pat looking to beat his top score. It’s basically a sentiment for a greeting card company. “There’s no other kid in the world that I’d rather sit on the couch with while I play this awesome racing game.”

Bonding at it’s best. But somehow it works, because they both equally love it.

And as Hudson slept, I wept over throwing away my 2011 Pug Wall calendar. How on earth am I supposed to know what day it is without pug dressed as a turn-of-the-20th-century-newsy reminding me??

When we tired of loafing around the house and feeling sorry for ourselves, we went to Laguna Beach for some sunset and sushi.

After the sunset it looked like the Orange County rendition of Gorillas in the Mist. I look just like Sigourney Weaver minus the perm and cargo shorts, and my children are naturally the gorillas in this scenario.

After we came home and bathed the gorillias kids, it seemed like the perfect time to watch the Smurf Movie  (is there ever not a perfect time to watch the Smurf Movie?) with our children, and because that movie is basically a mental thriller, I was tired and ready for bed. At 9:23. On New Year’s Eve.

That’s it folks.

I went to bed for New Year’s Eve.

While all you cooler people instagr.amed your party pictures, I was sleeping.

While all of you banged pots and pans at the stroke of twelve, I was wearing my anti-TMJ nightguard and drooling on my tempra-pedic pillow.

While you were all clanking your champagne glasses together and lighting sparklers, I was having dreams of David Hasselhoff wrestling a giant spider wearing a speedo.

Clarification: the spider was wearing the speedo.

So happy 2012.

Hope you had a great year.

I did, even though I slept through most of it.

And are we in consensus on how to say 2012?
Do we sound douchy and say twenty-twelve?

Or old fashioned and say two-thousand-twelve?

Decisions, decisions.

Because I suck at making decisions,

Happy MMXII everybody!