the Hippo Brigade

my Key West trip

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December 16, 2008

Cast of Characters:

My Grandma,

my husband, my mom, Amanda (Jason’s girlfriend), and Jason, my brother

Our intent was to watch my cousin get married:

Mission Accomplished.

Here’s what else we did:

I did not realize that Key West isn’t a beach town, but a town where people from Minnesota get really shit faced and stumble around sloshing their alcohol (there’s no open container law), and embarrassing themselves. Needless to say, I was scared, especially of all the sloshing, I don’t want to get sloshed on. Ew.

I had key lime pie

We went to the butterfly conservatory. I found that once you stifled your innate desire to swat all the butterflies with your handbag, and scream, “GET THE FUCK OFF ME!!!”  it was quite tranquil and soothing.

So much so, that my mom got overly sentimental.

We went to Erenst Hemingway’s old House. He lived in Key West for a while and wrote a lot of books. The crazy thing about the house is that there are 49 cats living there, and about half of them have 6 toes, because they’re decedents of Hemingway’s cat who had 6 toes. And I think it’s all a little wacky.

We rode bikes around the small island. And in order for my ears not to burn, shrivel up, and fall off, I had to ride my bike  looking like this:

I also realized that my ass separates into two fascinating consistencies when I sit on a bike. I think it’s the ass muscle separating from the ass fat, but I can’t be sure, and I ‘m almost positive my ass has no muscle.

Then Amanda and I bonded over our love of farts:

How cute are these undies? They say “Farting is my way of saying I love you” and “Don’t follow me, I just let out A BIG ONE!” and my personal favorite, “I Love to Fart”

Don’t worry, I bought a pair for each and every one of you.