HIPPO BRIGADE

My dog has a stinky asshole.

She periodically releases her anal glands and the fish oil smell mixed with ass permeates every crevice of my home.

Oh, you don’t know what anal glands are? Let me explain,they’re these internal sacs on either side of her butt hole that collect poo juice right before she lays a stinky dump. It’s the stuff that helps dogs identify each other. And apparently they release when they are stressed, or overly excited, or in my dog’s case, while taking a non-stressful, and non-exciting nap. 

She most recently ‘released’ on my couch. 

On MY couch. In the corner where I find myself most often while watching So You Think You Can Dance, while eating raspberry jelly chocolate sticks from Trader Joe’s. 

Only I can’t get comfortable in my spot, and eat my raspberry jelly sticks, and watch SYTYCD (that’s what the cool people are calling it) anymore because my bitch of a bitch decided to dribble her shit sauce all over MY SPOT!

I threw the spray nozzle of the Febreze across the room and just poured the whole bottle all over my couch. 

Still smells.

Only now, it smells like a field of dandelions covered in dog shit.  

Then I vacuumed.

Still smells.

I sprayed with stain remover and steam cleaned the cushions.

I steam cleaned my couch cushions, people!!

Still smells.

I removed the cushion covers and threw them into the washing machine.

Still smells. 

I think there’s only one thing left to do.

Vacuum, steam clean, and Febreze my dog’s asshole.