December 15, 2009
I’ve never really taken a stand on anything. I’ve always seen both sides to most things, and usually just shrug and think whatever.
But something happened between this pregnancy and my previous one, and it shook me to the core of who I am as a woman. It has made me take a stand on both how this baby will enter the world, and how the hospital will mandate the way I should labor and deliver.
So many women are passive about their births. They think that it’s easier to just have drugs and be done with it. Why would I want to scream and writhe with pain when I have the option of feeling nothing? My first birth I thought the same way; I figured it was just what we do. And yes, as American woman 90 per cent of us choose to have a hospitalized, and medically assisted birth. But with America bringing in the highest mortality and c-section rates in the world, something about the way we do it might just be flawed.
Because my first birth was a C-Section, my OB gave me the option to have another C-Section, and in the same breath he also told me that I have a slightly higher chance of birthing vaginally than a first time mother. Wait? What? So, which is it Doc? Do I birth vaginally or have surgery? I looked into to it, and realized that so many other women take the surgery option because it’s easier. And my doctor was just giving me an easier way out.
EASIER?!! Easier to have more risk to myself and baby? Easier to recover for 8 weeks instead of 1? Easier to not bond with my baby directly after giving birth? I told him I was going to have this baby vaginally and naturally. It’s important for me that my first birth experience will not be repeated, but to also be present and alive for what my body was created to do. I want to feel the rush of adrenaline and opidids that will naturally coerce through my veins as I have a contraction, I want to feel in control, but simountaunisly surrender to my body, I want to be covered with endorphins as my new baby is pushed through me.
Am I scared? You’re damn straight I’m scared. Not a minute ticks by in these last few days that I don’t think of the trauma that I’ll endure to get this baby out. I’m scared that as much as I try to prepare, things are out of my hands and anything can happen. I’m scared that I’ll end up with another C-Section. But just knowing that I have prepared, and I’ve made myself an active participant in this birth, and not just an observer, has given me peace. And I know whatever outcome God has for me and my baby, will be the right one.