I put a few items up for sale on my community’s version of craig’s list. These are the exact ads I put on the site too. I’m nervous people might think I’m weird.
So I thought I’d open the market up to you too.
Want my old stuff?
Sure you do.
Fisher Price two-way baby swing $50.00
A.K.A. the babysitter. Just kidding, I don’t do that. But I will tell you that snapping the knob onto the “speedy” setting, and placing your swaddled baby in there will give you time to take a much deserved shower and possibly watch an episode of Downton Abbey. I love this swing, and I’m sad to see it go. If I could only find a way to get it to support my weight, I’d keep it forever. I mean, who doesn’t want to be rocked to sleep while hearing soothing lullabies and seeing winged creatures circling your head? Aside: the winged creatures are nonviolent. Because I know what you’re thinking, you’re like why would I want things circling my head like I’m some sort of fresh piece of meat? That doesn’t sound relaxing at all! But let me assure you that these are non-carnivorous butterflies and blue birds. They only feast off the adorable coos and smiles of sweet babies.
Baby Bjorn $30
I’m a huge fan of attachment parenting. I love to strap my babies to my chest and wear them all day. Having them close helps them feel secure, loved and warm. And it makes me feel secure, loved and warm too. Everyone is winning. Because I love to wear my babies as an accessory, I have a crap-ton of carriers, and the Baby Bjorn is champ. It’s like the original, the OG baby carrier, if you will. Plus it comes with instant hipster credibility. You should buy it just for your man, because there’s nothing sexier than seeing your baby daddy look like this, amiright, ladies?
Breast friend Nursing Pillow $20.00
Have you heard of these? They’re basically awesome. You strap the thing around your rib cage, just below your breasts, and then you lay your baby on top, kind of like a table. It’s perfect for first-time moms that are getting the hang of nursing. I used it with my son, but when I had my second son, I had a c-section, and it put too much pressure on the incision. That’s why I’m getting rid of it. I would totally use it still, but after 3 months, I’m still sore. Which makes me a little surly. Whatever. It’s good to bring to the hospital too. Because they give you all those sad pillows that fold in half and if you listen closely enough you can hear them weeping. Don’t use those, use this instead! Upgrade. Plus when you’re done nursing you can use it as a handy table for a bowl of cereal or ice cream. Its like a portable snack tray.
Moses basket $20.00
Set your baby floating down the river in this basket. Wait, no please don’t do that. That’s a horrifying thing to do. And since we don’t live in a monarchy, there wouldn’t be a princess around to save your baby. Well there are a lot of girls out there that think they’re princesses, but that’s a rant for another time. All the inside coverings were handmade lovingly by a family member, not me, I suck at that type of thing. And I have more covers too, I just have to find them. I have this cute pink and white stripped pattern for a girl with pink floppy bows that attach to the outside.
Boppy nursing pillow $10.00
I’d call it a sea foam green (or the color of those St. Patrick’s day milkshakes that McDonald’s has), minky soft Boppy. It’s a good unisex color and it’s super clean and fluffy. It’s basically the best baby pillow ever. And I’ve washed it a ton, so there aren’t any weird germs on it, plus you can wash it too, if you’d like. It retains a good shape when dried with a few tennis balls. It’s still firm and cushy. I’ve nursed all my precious babes with it, and they have all turned out wonderfully, I’m positive it’s because of the use of the Boppy. Well that and all that milk. This sucker is even good for bottle feeding, so Dad doesn’t feel left out. Oh and I originally bought it from Pottery Barn Kids, which doesn’t suck.
Geeez Now I can’t get that horrifying image of Moses floating down the Nile River.
*If anyone wants to seriously buy my baby junk you can email me or leave me a comment.