the Hippo Brigade

Monitor Mayhem

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January 7, 2008

My alarm clock is my baby monitor. In the morning, at about 7:15 Berlyn wakes me up with her soft coos, a glow worm lullaby, and lately, the gentle hacking of her coughing up phlegm. One morning I forgot to turn off the receiver-end of the monitor, which is in my room, but I did turn off the end in her room. A few seconds into her diaper change, I realized that Berlyn and I were not alone. I heard what sounded like Judge Judy on the TV, a screaming child, and a woman talking on the phone. Intrigued, I finished slathering Berlyn’s buns with Butt Paste, and headed into my room to hear more from my monitor. Sadly, it was wretchedly boring. She was repeating words of objects for her toddler, “Toothbrush, Judge Judy, Costco Membership Card”. I switched off the monitor, and then an awful thought crossed my mind. If I can hear people, then people can hear me.

There are a multitude of things that I would prefer people do not hear, such as my Polish rendition of “The Itsy-Bitsy Spider”, my grunts and wheezing from doing Billy Blanks Tai Boa, or the reaction I have to my daughter’s stinky diaper.

Moral of the story: turn off your monitors when not in use. You might hear something you don’t want to hear, even worse, you might hear me.