June 7, 2012
I bought the wrong butter.
It’s like some lame-o at the butter making factory forgot to cut the butter into nice rectangular sticks.
Instead my butter is one big brick. And now I have to do all the butter cutting myself, and I am very unqualified for such a task. Which means, I do it wrong, and don’t even ask me to make you cookies because my butter measurements will be super wonky, and if I was going to go through all this trouble for butter anyways, I’d just churn it up myself.
It would seem easy enough to quarter it, but let me tell you it’s tough work. Plus you have to unwrap it first, and then you lose all your measurements, and then you ask yourself, “does this look like the right size for a normal stick of butter?” And then you start in with the existential butter wonderings, what is normal for butter anyways? It doesn’t seem fair to place butter in a box, maybe what is normal for me, isn’t normal for butter…Why do I even need butter right now? Do aliens in space need butter? Does anyone REALLY need butter?
And the answer is YES. They answer is always yes. Especially when you’ve fallen hard off the vegan wagon due to a certain gestational condition.
Then there’s the wrapping it up once you cut a hunk out of it. The original wrapper doesn’t fit anymore, and the trouble of trying to find the correct receptacle is too much work.
Does this look like it’s going to stay fresh?
I submit that it does not.
Who needs one pound butter bricks anyways? Professional bakers? Don’t they just go to speciality stores?
Butter N’ Stuff —Where you can buy butter and stuff.
On the plus side, it was was super cheap. Which should have been a red flag for me at the store, but I just thought, hey, this is Costco, things are cheap here. Oooh, Snack Packs!
So beware of super cheap butter, because it’s gonna suck for you in the long run, and don’t try to pawn off any of your your mis-measured butter cookies to me.
Because I told you so.