HIPPO BRIGADE

In this post I will talk about steam cleaners and the giant hair balls they cough up

February 19, 2009

Every year for Christmas or my birthday, since I’ve been married, my step-mom and dad like to buy me domestic gifts. I love this, because if my husband bought me a blender I’d have to blend some of his man hairs, but if my dad does it, I’m like, “daiquiri anyone?”

In the last four years my step-mom and dad have given me:

a stand mixer

a sewing machine

a vacuum

a robotic vacuum

a robotic mop

and a steam cleaner

I got the steam cleaner for Christmas and order to use it, I actually have to clean something. So, I’ve been avoiding eye contact with it for the past 2 months. But since the peeing Jesus has left my home in shambles, I decided now would be an excellent time to christen my new gift. And HOT DOG! The thing works like a charm. I steamed my tile floors, and after that I slept for 20 hours, then I mustered enough energy to steam clean my wool rug. And while I was cleaning I was humming the Prince song “Purple Rain,” but the only part I know is “Pur-ple rain, purple rain…” And right as I was trying to figure out the next lyric, it coughed up a mighty-sized hair ball.  It was like I was steam cleaning a wookie. And then I wondered, did I steam clean a wookie? My mind was wondering, singing the “Purple Rain” song and all,  so I don’t actually recall. But I’m pretty sure I’d notice a hairy-lummox of a man/beast walk through my front door, lay on my wool rug, and let me steam clean it’s hairy body. So, I’m pretty sure the hair clump came from my rug…pretty sure.

When the hair ball came out of the steam cleaner, it was like popping a massive zit only instead of puss it was wool carpeting, bits of fingernail, and Zoey’s fur. Ohhhh, It felt so good, I can’t wait for the next time I get to steam clean my rug–See? It’s sentences like that that make me R rated.