I’m super nice. Most of the time, except in the mornings, at night, and at select times in between.


March 21, 2010

I’m mostly always in a bad mood in the morning.

And at night.

And usually around 3:00 in the afternoon.

But I don’t think I’m a total bitch.

Just during those times.

Ohh, and also if I can’t find anything to wear.

Or if I’m hungry.

Okay, so basically I’m a bitch in the mornings, nights, around 3pm, when I’m naked in my closet, and we’re out of Doritos.

Just make sure you don’t run into me during those times.

Oh, and also when I’m pregnant.

Remember that?

I was an asshole.

But other than that I’m super nice.

The bad mood night and morning thing?

That’s because I’m sleepy. And I make it my number one priority that nothing gets in the way of me and my precious sleep. I am not one of those people who are like, ZOMG! I got like ZERO sleep last night, but I feel great because I just drank a 24oz can of Monster and 3 cups of coffee. AND not only do I feel great, but I’m super svelte because I took a massive leaky dump. Gotta love a good caffeine surge!

Those are the type of people I’d like whack with a lawn chair. Or a garden gnome.

The ones with the pointy cement hats.

I have to have at least 9 hours of sleep at night. And if I happen to get 10, I might give my husband a BJ. Just because I’m am so filled with joy.

But with a baby in the house, I’m lucky to get 5 consecutive hours of sleep. So instead of drinking energy drinks and stinking up the downstairs bathroom with my giant caffeinated poo, I’m tired, and cranky.

But don’t feel sorry for me.

Because I’m trying to soak up this precious time. As much as I loath waking up at 4 in the morning each day, I love that I get to snuggle with my baby.

I know that this time is fleeting, so I’m trying to enjoy it.

But it would be nice if my husband could lactate every once in a while so I can get a break.


I write about sleep a lot. Don’t I? What the hell? I need to write about something else.

Like carnies. Or bees, or flaming hot Cheetos.

What do you think I should write about?

Do you like that? I totally outsourced my creativity.

But, I need to. Because apparently I’m just writing about the same thing over and over.

So lemme hear some ideas…

Come on.

It will be fun.


You should write about carnies getting attacked by bees because they were eating flaming hot Cheetos.

by Tammy on March 21, 2010

Dude, so does that mean if your man lactates, he gets a BJ? Awesome.

by Jeff Johnson on March 22, 2010

I haven’t slept through the night in 4 years…arghhh! Some night are better than other, but after a bad night, I am the one throwing the tantrum in the morning (seriously!).

by Cara on March 26, 2010

I don’t know you, but I love you. Everything you write about I live too! Thanks for your brutal honesty about the ways of the young mommy.

by Sarah on April 5, 2010

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