HIPPO BRIGADE

I Sleep on a Bed Made Entirely of Cheesecake

It’s cheesy delicious and therapeudic for my back. 

We bought a mattress when we got married, and it was fine enough. It held us while we slept and that’s all we really asked for out of a mattress. I came from a long and heinous sleeping history that involved sleeping in a water bed (my parents are hippies), and my husband would be find with a nice assortment of wood chips and pine needles, so our expectations were pretty low when purchasing our first marital mattress. Did the springs squeak when we had sex? No. Done!

But after a few years, we started to become bed gluttons. We began to collect 800 thread count sheets, fancy duvets, and plush down comforters and pillows. But our mattress began to sag, and it made both of us really, really sore when we’d emerge in the morning. I practically rolled out of bed in a tightly formed ball and stayed that way  on the floor until the morning sun thawed me out. 

So we got ourselves a really expensive piece of space foam! That’s right. We sleep on foam made in space by aliens who genuinely care about the well being of our back. Aww how sweet, just warms your little heart, doesn’t it?

But apparently it takes a few weeks for the foam to soften up a bit and right now it feels like we’re sleeping on a giant piece of cold firm, cheesecake. Or tofu. But I’d like to think of it as cheesecake, because that’s way more appetizing, and when I sleep I’d like to dream of delicious sweet treats. And I told my husband that if I start gnawing at the mattress, just let me go, because I’m probably having a deliciously good dream.