I Have to Write a Book First

I want to go on a book tour. 

I guess I’d have to write a book first. 

But what would I write about?

I can’t give advice, I haven’t been through enough to warrant myself as an authority. 

I don’t have anything meaningful and inspirational to talk about. 

I think the most appealing thing about writing a book is the fancy book tour. 

I’d stay in Four Seasons all over the country, be jet-lagged, wear dark sunglasses, and order eggs benedict from room service. But  chances are, when I get to the book store there would probably only be two people in line, and they’d be all, I heard there might be free slushies


My book sucks, and I haven’t even written it yet.

7 thoughts on “I Have to Write a Book First

  1. After thinking long and hard about this, I have a plan: you can write a book about MY fascinating life, and we can go on tour together. Kind of like show and tell. It’s genius, I know.

  2. I think you could write about indoor plumbing and it would still sound kickass…

  3. Don’t give up. Two people in line for that future book tour are two more than are waiting in line for you now. See, how you can spin it?

  4. Oh, please write a book.
    A) I would totally read it.
    B) I would buy multiple copies and give them as “just for the heck of it” gifts, limiting my target visits to once a month.
    C) I would be first in line for your book tour, my own slushie in hand. Preferably Blue Raspberry.

  5. Ooooooh, a book tour. That sounds juicy.

    Maybe you could write about a woman who really really really wants a book tour.

    I’d buy it!


    Good luck!

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