HIPPO BRIGADE

I have been forgetting my wallet lately.

August 23, 2009

I switch bags often so sometimes I think I have it, but then at the most inconvenient times, I realize I don’t.

Like a few weeks ago when I had this fantastic idea to go to Target and Trader Jo’s, AND Home Goods. I felt good. I was gonna get some shit done that day. First I headed to Home Goods to try to find a table cloth, or a picture frame, or maybe it was a giant tiger sculpture lamp, either way, I didn’t find anything there so I left. But as I was getting ready to back out, some crazy lady, who reminded me of my mother, rear ended me. We exchanged information, and she felt terrible, and I continued on my journey to Target.

I loaded up my cart as I leisurely walked down the isles. I sniffed soap, flipped through magazines, and tried on a purple sports bra, Then I made my way to the check out, stuck everything on the conveyor belt, smiled at the checker, and I even threw in a pack of gum too, because I was feeling kicky.

I started to nonchalantly fish for my wallet.

Then I started to dig for my wallet.

AND THEN I dumped everything on the floor, got on my knees, and frantically stirred things around hoping to find some form of currency.

NOTHING.

Oh the shame.

The embarrassment.

And the feeling of defeat as I admitted that I didn’t have a way to pay for all the stuff she just rang up.

It might have been the first time I’ve ever walked out of Target without buying something.

As I was driving home I realized that I got in a car accident, and I didn’t have my wallet on me. And I was more worried about making sure I bought laundry detergent at Target?

Two weeks later I forgot my wallet again. This time it was a the Farmer’s Market.

A week after that I forgot it again. At Happy Nails.

Yesterday it was at the drive-thru at Del Taco.

You’d think I’d learn.