I finished my Book
5 Comments
December 9, 2008
Last post about Twilight, I swear:
I was finally able to peel my steely grasp from the Twilight novel last night, because I finished it. Yup, and when I finished it I threw it across the room. Partly because hurling a book out into the room is fun, and it scares the dog, not to mention your husband, especially as he considers your mental health. It only took 2 days, 2 days of walking around in a trance of vampires and sexy, icy cold embraces. But for those of you who are like above books about vampires and high schoolers, and some crap, I’ve decided to paraphrase for you:
This girl Bella moves to Washington to live with her dad, and then she meets a sexy man who wants to suck her blood.
And she’s all, “um whatever, I don’t really care. Suck my blood if you must, but just so you know, I’d rather just stare at you and touch your man parts.”
I mean, who wouldn’t?
Then they fall in love with each other, and he doesn’t eat her. He restrains himself, and I think, ‘what happens when she gets her period? Does she have to sit in a cave for 5 to 7 days under a heap of potato sacks to make sure she doesn’t release her scent to her sexy new blood thirsty boyfriend?’ I’m just saying. I think I should write a note to the author about that.
But then they meet a bad vampire who wants to suck her blood and her boyfriend is all, “oh no you didn’t, she’s mine!” And it’s really really sweet. And it makes you think, gosh, why can’t I find a man who loves me enough not to suck my blood, and will protect me from other men that do want to suck my blood? Is that too much to ask??
And then he takes her to the prom, because he’s cool like that. The End.
*all photos from google images
Honestly, I have yet to read the book and am not sure I can now everyone has read them. Actually, I don’t have to read because who has time to read? I’ll just see the movie. on cable.
by gorillabuns on December 9, 2008
Great paraphrase. Now I don’t have to read the book, Beckey! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I also think I will start throwing books across the room. It does sound fun.
by Taylore on December 9, 2008
I love how you just got right to the point of the book. Also, good thought about her having her period. What will Edward do then?? I wouldn’t say I’m really obsessed, but I’m on the 2nd reading of the book and have seen the movie twice, and I just got the 2nd book the other day. Plus I’m old enough to be Edward/Rob’s mother so it creeps me out a little that I think he’s so hawt…
by ShellyD on December 10, 2008
I read it in two days too. But I don’t think I’m going to read the others. My high-school-neighbor-girl said they kind of go down hill from here.
by sarah on December 15, 2008
Beckey, I feel kind of odd leaving this comment, but I’ve just rediscovered your blog and died laughing when I read this post. I finished the book and threw it across an airplane somewhere over Colorado because of glaringly obvious points such as this poor girls period. If Joel McHale did book reviews, this would be it. Keep them coming…
by erin on January 4, 2009
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