At any given moment, doesn’t matter what I’m doing, I have a bruise on my leg. Most often they’re on my shins. And most often there are more than one. I can’t ever remember what caused the bruise, and it always bums me out when I go to put on my favorite pair of nylon dolphin shorts only to find that my legs are graffitied with brown bruises. Darn, guess I’ll just have to wear sweatpants.
If people ask me why I have bruises on my legs I will answer with one of these responses:
- I play the drums while asleep, only the drums are my bed frame, and the drum sticks are my shins. I’m starting to get really good.
- I joined the mexican circus.
- We just got a tennis ball gun, and every night as foreplay, I let my husband launch tennis balls at me. It really gets us in the mood.
- I bruise easily
- Your mom