August 1, 2012
First thing’s first, Congratulations! You are getting away for the night. Good for you. You and your mate deserve it. Go ahead and give him a physical act of praise. This is best done with a hi-five or a gratuitous ass grab. Then choose an ultra swanky venue to recount your love for each other. A place with low lighting and staffed with sexy employees is always a good choice. But if that option isn’t readily available, or the wait is too long, just go to Costco instead! There are always hot and gooey treats to sample and you don’t have to go later in the week with your crazy kids who ask for everything, and don’t let you peruse the section with the cozy sports bras, because somehow they know that you’re not going to be doing any sports while wearing that bra.
Touché, kids. Touché.
Then make sure you put something completly ridiculious in your cart, like a box of 50 individual bags of chips. Then take it out, and convince yourself that you’re just hungry, and then put it back in, and then wander around the store feeling guilty, and finally take it out.
Well done. You just did the chip equivalent of the hokey pokey.
After Costco, or whatever swanky place you ended up in, head down to a local coffee shop to sample their beans, and enjoy the deep conversation that will inevitably ensue.
But if you’ve already discussed every deep thought you’ve ever had, then unpack your laptop and list your old crap on Craig’s List!
After a rejuvenating Craig’s List session, it’s best to follow up with photos of yourself. These are good to have around to prove that you’re having a good time. And possibly used as black mail, as in this photo:
It looks like a pipe is, well.. umm. It’s just not good.
Aww, look at the happy couple.
And because coffee and small plastic cups filled with soup broth and fiber bars cut into tiny squares with scissors aren’t very filling, you should probably consider actually eating something for dinner. We chose a beachy burger joint which incidentally had low lighting and a sexy wait staff.
Look at us, doing something right.
After dinner you’re going to want something sweet or possibly a night cap, why not have both at your local Rite-Aid drug store?
And that’s about it.
I’m sure if you follow my simple date night agenda you’ll be gettin’ lucky in no time.
Just make sure it’s not in front of the Costco building.