HIPPO BRIGADE

Check in with Berlyn

Let’s check in with Berlyn with a segment I’d like to call ” Hey Berlyn, how ya been?”

Today she should have been taking her midmorning nap. This is integral to my day. I shower, check my email, purchase my valium and percocet from a shady internet retailer, and brew the coffee for the morning. When she doesn’t take her nap, I am smelly, uninformed, and unmedicated. This is not a good way to greet the day. Berlyn was screaming in her crib, so I did what any good parent would do. I ignored her and took a shower (for two and a half minutes). After the shower she was still crying, so I finally hoisted her out of her crib and realized that there were no tears. She is an excellent faker. She was all smiles and giggles when I plopped her in front of all her toys. She was amusing herself with a toy train and then she decided that now would be a good time in the day to taste the floor tile. Yummy. She bent over and started licking the floor, then she started to crawl with her forehead on the floor. I though to myself that that seems strange. And then I thought that the floor isn’t the cleanest it could be. It’s clean enough that if I dropped a Skittle, I’d still eat it, but not clean enough that I would lick it and rub my forehead all over it. After that she tore open her diaper bag, and threw everything out of it and started to play with one of my old nursing pads. Then, she pulled on my pant leg, ate some floor lint, and went through my wallet.

After all that she was finally tired enough to take a nap…with my my nursing pad.