(Guest Post) Much Ado About You on Infertility and Adoption

4 Comments

January 2, 2013

I’m Emmy, I’m 35, and I’m infertile.

Wait, let me back up.  I’m Emmy.  Beckey has been so sweet to allow me to invade her space for the day.  Sorry, I’m not nearly as funny as she is. I warned you.

I own Much Ado About You where I sell printables. I occasionally blog {Confesstions of a Paper Freak}, and I incessantly Instagram {@itsjustemmy}.  I am married to my high school sweetheart and as of this year we have been together for more than half our lives.

Almost 11 years ago I got pregnant for the first time.  Nathan and I were so excited, and immediately started planning that child’s future.  We were thinking of names… wondering if it would be a boy or a girl… hoping its due date of December 26th would not mean we were going to have a Christmas baby.

But just a few days later I started bleeding heavily, and knew in an instant that that baby was gone.

We had only just begun trying to get pregnant, but I had so many friends experiencing infertility and I begged God to spare us from that roller coaster.

Our doctor told us that since we were so early in the pregnancy I would not need a D & C, and that technically I could get pregnant as soon as my next cycle.

Which I did.

That pregnancy was such a relief, and I vividly remember thanking God that I was never going to have to walk that long and painful road of infertility.

A year after Beau was born we decided to start trying for a second baby.  We wanted four, so we thought we’d better get going!

God had different plans for our family.

The next six years were spent going from one doctor’s appointment to the next and from one surgery to the next, all in an effort to figure out why my young and seemingly healthy body was not working.

I have Endometriosis, a condition that basically destroys your body from the inside out.  During my final surgery my doctor made the painful decision to remove both of my non-functioning fallopian tubes, hoping it would increase the chance of my third and final IVF {invitro-fertilization} treatment being successful.

The next month we had our final IVF procedure.  It failed.  We were done.

We were physically {well mostly me on that one}, emotionally, and financially spent.  The chance of a natural pregnancy was eliminated with the removal of my tubes.  I was officially STERILE.  It is still strange to say those words.  I am a woman that cannot do what I was created to do… bear children.  That is a very strange reality to be faced with.

I spent seven dark years in the thick of my infertility {I say “my” infertility because the issues were mine… with another woman my husband could have had more children… more salt in the wounds}.  For some of those years Nathan and I were not on the same page.  He didn’t understand my desperation for a child when I already was a mom.  Those years I struggled with a deep loneliness that I had never known.  It is so hard to explain what infertility feels like to someone that has never experienced it, but the bottom line is… IT SUCKS.

However, God also used those seven years to challenge my character and bring me to a place of total trust and reliance on His plan for my life.  I came to a point where I had to say, “God, I love you and I trust you, and I know that {while very different from mine} Your plan is the best plan for my life.  So even if I never have another baby I will praise you and be thankful for whatever it is that you call me to do.”

And I really was at peace.  Without tubes I no longer had to live in two week cycles, wondering if each late period was the one.  I had an incredible eight year old that was the joy of my life, a loving, supportive husband, a thriving business… life was good.

I will leave this next part of the story short and sweet {if you would like to read the whole story, you can find it here}.  Through miraculous circumstances, in March of 2011 we brought home the most beautiful baby girl that looks nothing like us.

 

And in the instant that I met her I understood every no that God had placed in my path.

If you are in a season of not understanding the circumstances of your life, please be encouraged that someday you may understand and even appreciate the painful path that you are walking.

Since experiencing infertility and adoption I have a heart for encouraging hurting women.  Several months ago I felt a calling on my life to do something to help other women that are experiencing similar trials, and the Choose Joy event was born.

Choose Joy is a one-day conference in Southern California for women and couples that are experiencing infertility and/or desire to grow their families through adoption.  I have somehow convinced several other women from all over the country to come and be a part of this event.  We have speakers on topics such as “God’s Heart for the Hurting; Waiting Hurts, Waiting Perfects,” “Having a Heart of Hope: Overcoming the Hurt of Infertility,” “The Good, the Bad, and The Ugly of International Adoption” and much, much more.  My desire is for this to be a day of connection and community, and for women to open their minds to the plan that God has for their family.

The event will include a luncheon and a dessert, and at the end we will be raffling off a cash prize to help someone grow their family.

Tickets are on sale for $30 through the 25th of January.  {After that the price goes up to $40, so don’t delay!}  Please visit the website for all the details on the location and schedule, bios on each speaker, and to register for the event.

If you aren’t experiencing infertility, statistics say that someone you know is.  Please pass this website on to your friends or family that could use some support.

Thanks for reading my story.

XOXO,

Emmy

 

4 Comments:

This story made me bawl because it is so familiar and so beautifully redeeming. Thanks for sharing!

by Kristen Howerton on January 2, 2013

“If you are in a season of not understanding the circumstances of your life, please be encouraged that someday you may understand and even appreciate the painful path that you are walking.”

Thank you for this post and for the sentence above. I totally needed that…

by Elaina on January 2, 2013

Loved this story……I, too, experienced infertility…….I went through years of the proverbial roller coaster….. then one day, the word “foster parent” became part of my vocabulary. Before I knew it, God placed a six week old infant girl in my lap…..then, two years later, a distant friend called to tell me she was pregnant and did not want the baby……she told me if I wanted it, I could have it!….Oh boy, baby number two….In the meantime, the birth mother of my oldest daughter was on the street corners in order to pay for her drug habit. In the blink of an eye, she had three more girls and was able to keep them…..when she was pregnant with her fifth child, the girls were taken away and I was called…..did I want to foster these three beautiful girls until they were adoptable, otherwise, they would have to be split up. The thought of these girls looking for each other one day broke my heart, so I said yes! I went from two to five girls in one weekend! When the birth mother had her fifth child, another girl, I was called again…..and again, I said yes…..wow, six girls! God had given me so much more than I could have imagined! Three years later, the birth mother was again pregnant, only this time she was “using” more and more often. She was still homeless and went into labor a month early. I was called once again…..again I could not split up this family, so I said yes for the last time. This time it was a boy! That was seven years ago and they are all growing up too fast. Little did I know when I first started out on this ride what God had in store for me! Faith and trust are the two most important words I have learned on this journey. A single mom, blessed seven times and we all could not be happier!

by Nancy McFadden on January 2, 2013

You are so brave to share this story. I suffer from infertility too, and am still coming to terms with the fact I will never give birth, and only have one child. Knowing that I am not the only one going through this is a comfort. And your girl (and boy) is darling!

by Libby on January 7, 2013

Leave a comment