November 12, 2009
Raise your hand if you look at Facebook while taking a massive dump!!
I know I do.
Nope, it’s not gross it’s necessary. How else am I supposed to keep up with your boring minutia every day? Tammy O’ Foster Just got a peppermint mocha from Starbucks. That’s some important shit, and I need to read about it…on the toilet.
Don’t look at me like that.
You do it too.
It’s called multitasking. And it just makes good sense.
And see? I’m not the only one, Bridget over at Yellaphant texts her friends while pooping.
Truth of the matter is, you can get a lot done while sitting on the toilet. Not me, per se, because I’m a quick crapper, I like to get in and out and on with my day. Just a quick glance at FB, and I move on. But most of the population likes to sit, relax, and email, text, twitter, and I’m totally fine with it because, shhh no one knows your pooping.
My mom on the other hand will call me. Oh, Beck, she’ll start, this gay couple just moved in next-door and they have the most fabulous garden. I have to know their secret.
And then she’ll ramble on about the sale at Kohl’s and I’ll kindly remind her that I will never ever shop at Kohl’s. And then she’ll reprimand me for not calling my grandma enough. Then the next thing I hear is a BAWW-WHOOSH!
MOOOOMMMMM! Did you just poo while on the phone with me??!
No dear, I just peed. Don’t worry Beck, I’ll use Lysol.
See where I get my smarts from? That woman is always thinking.
So a word to all you facebook crappers, there’s no shame in multitasking. Just use Lysol and wash your hands afterwards, because if my mom does it, it’s gotta be okay.