HIPPO BRIGADE

Extra Special

September 22, 2009

You know what would make today really extra special?

Well, come to think of it there are a few things that would make today extra special, one would be eating an entire carton of these bad boys:

Another would be if a giant stuffed badger knocked on my door and gave me a hug. Because who can’t use a hug from a giant stuffed badger?

And thirdly, and most importantly is If we owned a house at the end of today.

It’s really not asking much, because our escrow was supposed to close three days ago. And all this anticipation, signing stuff, and moving around the painters, hardwood installers, and professional cleaners my husband is loosing his brain, it’s actually leaking out of his head. We can’t have that. Oh and his hair is falling out in clumps, and we really can’t have that because my high school reunion is coming up and since I look like total crap, my hot husband is all I have to show off.

HE NEEDS HIS HAIR, ESCROW PEOPLE!!

10 YEAR REUNION!

What am I doing while my husband looses parts of his brain and clumps of hair?

Besides eating Pinwheels and getting snugly hugs from badgers?

I’m dancing around naked trying to cheer him up, of corse, like the wonderful wife I am. I’m doing that and dreaming about rainbows and sprinkle frosting, because really, I’m not cut out for comprehending loan documents. My reading level is about the same as a 3rd grader, and that’s just fantastic because there were some really good books in the third grade, like The Babysitters’ Club series and anything from Judy Bloom.

So here’s a thought: Why don’t the loan document people write their contracts with scenarios where Kristy and Dawn are late on their payments because babysitting is slow this time of year, and they end up with a foreclosure and then they trash the place with all their babysitter friends and they all get drunk and strung out and end up pregnant. That would make waaay more sense to me than all that legal jargon, and it essentially means the same thing–don’t be late on your payments, or you could wind up with a bad hangover, homeless, and knocked up.