the Hippo Brigade

Daddy’s New Office

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March 15, 2011

Sometimes I make believe my dog is a disco diva.

I sit her on my lap and wave her front paws around in a dancing-like-configuration while singing nasally renditions of Dee-Light’s Groove is in the Heart. We’ll do a series of paw claps and raising the roof,  and she’s really good at the sprinkler too. Then I slap her belly a few times and send her on her way.

I do it for her.

You know, to keep her in shape.

We don’t want a fat pug loafing around the house. We need to keep our pup fit and and healthy to be able to endure long stretches of combo bark-farting at the Mormons and UPS guy that periodically visit our home.

Thus, the disco-jam dancing.

It was 2 o’ clock in the afternoon when the kids were resting upstairs, and Pat was working in his office, which, conveniently is also upstairs.

I was on the couch doing some calisthenics with the dog when Pat came down to make a sandwich.

Pat: What are you doing?

Me: Ugh, what does it look like I’m doing?

Pat: Torturing the dog. I don’t think she likes not having control of her front legs.

Me: Well, for your information, she is exercising. If I didn’t do this once a day, her muscles would atrophy and she would need one of those dog carts to move around.

Pat: Whatever. You guys enjoy yourself, I’m getting an office far from here so I can work without the distraction of you singing Cool and the Gang.

Me: WHAT??!! You don’t like my singing??

Pat: Nope. Never have.

Me: Really? That’s surprising, because I’m so good, especially in falsetto. Oh, and it was Dee-Light I was singing, not Cool and the Gang.

Geesh.

Pat: Whatever.

Me: Wait!! You’re leaving? Who’s gonna kill spiders for me and help me when Hudson blows out his diaper? Who’s gonna take out the stinky trash and provide me with entertainment at a moment’s notice?

Pat: I guess you’ll have to figure all that out on your own.

Me: **sad face**

 

And then he moved out.

Four and a half years of working at home, and now he’s gone.

No more episodes of me busting into his office wearing nothing but hot rollers and a bra while he’s on a video conference with clients.

No more of me asking for help with the groceries.

No more of me hovering over his shoulder while he designs websites and telling him where to put stuff and what font to use.

And lastly, no more midday sexcapades.

…Wait.

Alright, so we didn’t really have many midday sexcapades, but we certainly cannot have any NOW.

He’s been gone for a couple weeks now, and honestly, I kinda like it.

I thought I’d be so sad. But really it’s working out.

Plus, having him leave everyday gives me a chance to miss him.

And when I miss him too much, I just video chat him and sing to him in falsetto.

In my bra.

Yeah!!

He really does like my singing, he just doesn’t tell me because he doesn’t want me to have a big head about it.

And I get that.

And when I really, really REALLY miss him, we take a trip up the freeway and visit him!!

And when I say “visit him” what I really mean “run loose through his fancy new office.”