Caution: I Drool in my Sleep.

6 Comments

July 27, 2009

I drool at night. This recently came to my attention. And when I say came to my attention, I mean I wake up in the middle in the night with so much drool on my face, pillow and connecting parts, that I can make a fresh and slimy batch of lemonade, or sangria. Anyone want some? There’s plenty to go ’round. 

And then in the morning, after I guzzle down an icy glass of saliva lemonade, I look in the mirror and see this patch of tiny zits that point downward on either side of my mouth. It’s like my face is sending me a message that I drool at night, and I’m a disgusting person. I GET IT, FACE!

Like I need that kind of judgement from my own face. Gawd, what a bitch.

chin zits

Something needs to be done, because my husband doesn’t particularly enjoy waking up each morning soaked in my spit. Or maybe he does, I’ll have to ask…

Regardless, I need to do something. 

First thing I thought of was one of those cone things you put on your dog:

794px-Coneheadreni

beckey_dog_cone

You know, to contain the drool. But then when I really thought about it I was afraid of drowning. Like I said, it’s a lot of saliva, and I don’t think it would be fun to wake up dead. My obituary would say: Woman died in her home last night while wearing a dog cone. She drowned in her own drool. That’s some embarrassing shit. I don’t want to go down like that. 

Maybe I could tape a washcloth up to my bottom lip. 

Or stick a few cotton balls in my mouth.

I’d sleep on my back, but apparently when you’re pregnant you’re not supposed to do that. Plus, I snore when I’m on my back.

Crap.

So, there’s not a whole I can do about it. I guess I’ll just be the lady with lots of sangria in her fridge. OLE!

6 Comments:

You are TOO funny girl!

by Julie Wagner on July 27, 2009

You could get one of those things that dentists have that suck up the drool. That might work. xD

by Missy on July 27, 2009

If live gives you lemons, honey, well…you know the rest.

by dgm on July 27, 2009

Well, I have the opposite problem. I have to wear a bite guard on my bottom teeth and now when I sleep with it, my mouth is drier that the Mojave. I guess I end up breathing through my mouth. While I don’t wake up in wetness, I wake up with a Sham-Wow in my mouth!

by Skippy on July 28, 2009

dude, being pregnant means you get the bed ALL TO YOURSELF! so no worries about drooling then.

congrats by the way!

by gorillabuns on July 28, 2009

I could never ever escape the “pregnancy drool”…and the farther along I got,the worse I got. Yuck. I can’t even tell you how many pillows I went through. I’m not sure this is comforting or not, but we’re on the waiting list to adopt a Newfie…best dog EVER. They drool a lot. We plan on typing a bib around his neck. Maybe you could rig something up like that.

Just kidding. I think.

by Audrey at Barking Mad on July 30, 2009

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