Caution: Hiring a Cleaning Lady May Induce a Panic Attack

9 Comments

November 6, 2009

Cleaning people are going to clean my house today.

I feel like a damn celebrity.

No one has ever cleaned my house before. And that’s just fine, because I’m a stay-at-home mom and I really don’t have a whole lot going on in my life that would keep me from making sure a poo residue doesn’t build up in the toilet. I can handle the cleaning of my house, but now that I’m a big pregnant lady whose pelvis clicks every time I move, and my sciatica flairs up every time I get up from my cozy spot on the couch, my mom felt pity for me and offered me her cleaning lady.

YES!! ((I am air-punching the sky with enthusiasm))

But there is all this stuff I have to do before they get here…

Like clean my house.

I have to clean my house before they clean my house. Does that make me normal or neurotic?

And I’ve created a list of demands.

I feel like such a bitch–like a pelvic-clicking bitch.

I think when they get here, I’m going to follow them around the house making sure they clean it to my standards.

I’ll be so bored, and antsy, I’ll have no choice but to follow them.

What the hell are you supposed to do when cleaning people are at your house?

I can’t take a nap because I want them to clean my bedroom.

I can’t go for a walk because Berlyn will be sleeping.

I’d feel like a jackass if i just sat on the couch and watched Bravo. But because I’m such a sweet jackass, I’d probably lift my legs up while they cleaned the floor under me.

What if they use Pledge on my hardwood floors? Or vacuum up my dog? What if they use the same sponge they used on the toilets on my kitchen counters? What if they go through my drawers and find where I keep all my dead turtles, or what if they steal a pair of my shoes?

How do people do this every week?

Excuse me now, I need to have a panic attack.

9 Comments:

this is pretty much why i don’t have one of those lady things coming over to my house.

not that i’m doing the housework myself or anything…

by Lora on November 6, 2009

I pre-cleaned too! You cant have a messy house when new people are going to come over!

by Casey on November 6, 2009

This is one of the reasons why we don’t have one anymore (not that I’d say no if anyone wanted to “gift” one to me)… I’d spend so much time cleaning up before they came I figured it’d only take a few more minutes to throw some cleanser in the tub and swish the toilet bowls a couple of times. But it does smell SOOOOOOO much better when they do it, so that’s nice. Enjoy!

by sarah on November 6, 2009

I share the same anxiety. 🙂

by melinda on November 6, 2009

I do the same thing before I get a pedicure–I have to pre-clean my callus-y feet so my little Vietnamese friend won’t judge me so harshly. I’m a good person, but the looks of my feet suggest otherwise.

by dgm on November 6, 2009

I had that same pelvic issue when pregnant with both my boys. I never got a cleaning lady ( but I am going to see if I can guilt my hubby into one after the fact)…but I would have been like you, trying to clean before they got there.
I say, sit on the couch with a bag of chip and watch BRAVO. I would have.

by Cara on November 9, 2009

I had fun reading this refresing and thought provoking topic. Thanks.

by Panic Attack on November 9, 2009

It is so touching that “Panic Attack” commented on this entry.

by amanda on November 9, 2009

“I’d feel like a jackass if i just sat on the couch and watched Bravo. But because I’m such a sweet jackass, I’d probably lift my legs up while they cleaned the floor under me.”

Awesome.

by Yellaphant on November 10, 2009

Leave a comment