Breastfeeding Ain’t for Sissies

13 Comments

January 8, 2010

My life has been reduced to a tiny man attached to my boob. All the time.

No, really.

And I read somewhere, probably in one of Dr. Sears’ books, which I can’t stop buying, by the way, because Dr. Sears is to babies what Caesar Milan is to pit bulls, and he writes all these books about babies that make you nod and agree, and think, yes, yes! That makes sense! And somehow in my mind that makes him a supreme authority. Like if my kid all of a sudden caught on fire, I’d stop, pick up the massive “Baby Book” by Dr. Sears, turn to Chapter 46, and find out what I’m supposed to do. I’m sure he has a lot to say on spontaneous baby combustion, because he’s cool like that, plus he has like 12 kids. His wife and him are like the Duggars, except really really, smart, because all his kids are doctors– And I’m sure at lease one of his 14 kids caught on fire at some point, and at the time he was probably all “Stand back family, I have this under control!” And his wife started taking copious notes because she had the foresight to know that it would end up in Chapter 46 of her husband’s book, entitled “What to do in When Your Kid Spontaniously Catches on Fire.”

Wait, fires, babies, Dr. Sears…

Oh that’s right, I was going to tell you that I breastfeed all the time and I’m sick and tired of it. But Dr. Sears says that it releases prolactin, which apparently is the hormone that makes you a good mom, and not sick and tired of sticking your boob in your baby’s face all the time.

So maybe my prolactin isn’t working.

Instead of being all, Oh look how sweet and precious my baby is nursing all the time. I think, I’m over this, Mama needs a nap.

Really.

How much boob does one tiny baby need?

Every hour just seems ridiculous.

Right?

And do you see what it’s making me do? Did you just read that paragraph up there about babies catching fire? It doesn’t even make sense!! And now I’m loosing my mind. And Dr. Sears doesn’t have a chapter on that, I know. I’ve checked.

But I know what Dr. Sears would say, he’d say if your child wants to eat every hour, feed him every hour.

But every hour at night?

Dr. Sears would call that “night parenting.” But I’m not down with the night parenting. I’m down with the sleeping.

SLEEP–ING.

Dr. Sears, do you have any idea what this is doing to my brain?

No, no you don’t. So I’ll tell you, because I care, and because I want you to update your book, and possibly reference me, and perhaps make me an honorary doctor, and then adopt me…?

Here is how my brain functions normally:

Upper right, under the useless pop culture facts is how to french braid hair and accessorize with the right necklaces and shoes.

Lower right is me daydreaming about fried chicken and cupcakes.

Upper left is the lyrics to every Mariah Carey song made before 2003.

And lower left is knowing how to launder every garment and piece of fabric in my entire house.

See how nice that looks? Everything is neatly compartmentalized, and at any given moment I’m probably humming the tune of Dream Lover and thinking about eating some fried chicken.

But when my baby boy demands my lady jugs every hour throughout the night, my brain turns into a scary a t-rex with fire and lighting bolts, nothing makes sense anymore, and I don’t how to french braid my hair!

Please advise, Dr. Sears.

I can’t keep this up for much longer.

13 Comments:

It’s not any consolation while you’re going through it, but it does get infinately better. I promise. Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye. Hang in there because all of a sudden you’re going to wake up and say, oh it’s fine now. And if you can, either pump or give him some formula and have your husband give him a bottle so you can sleep for a few hours uninterrupted.

by Michelle on January 8, 2010

LOL times 10 from a mama who breastfed til the cows came home! You are very funny to read. Your new baby is a BICUIT! Keep the faith!

by Kelly von Hemert on January 8, 2010

manatee looks like a penis.

by krystal on January 8, 2010

i am obsessed with dr sears:) loved this entry. and i’m just now weaning my 14 month old off my boob. you’ll grow to love it. i am having a harder time giving it up then she is. boo. you’re doing great tho!

by Katelyn on January 8, 2010

Hey, you’re right. That manatee does look like a penis.

by Hippo Brigade on January 9, 2010

Ha ha ha! I remember this feeling, especially before I figured out how to make my kiddo suck from my nipple and not the bottles. I was in this rut of trying to nurse, bottle feed, pump and by the time I was done with all of that, she was awake and wanting more.

Then I figured out how to get her to stay put (or she figured out that taking directly from the tap was much better than the bottle) and the ritual became better. Then I learned how to sleep with her, which now that she is 18 months is a bit of a challenge to get her to sleep in her own bed even though she hasn’t nursed in almost 4 months. But I discovered, way back when, I could just pop my boob out, fall into a light sleep and she would take what she needed and my boob was empty in the morning (I was fully aware of her next to me, before anyone gets upset). Sure, sometimes it seemed like she had her mouth on me all night, but we both slept beautifully and I had a nice healthy babe.

But now I have a nice healthy babe who won’t sleep in her own bed all night and we have another babe on the way. Not sure if I will use the same system, not saying it was the best. But we did sleep.

Good luck!

by Cambria Copeland on January 9, 2010

I TOTALLY know what you mean about the “every hour” thing! What the heck!? The 2nd night of Laken’s life he was on my boob for 8 hours straight! I thought i would go mental. I guess it’s called “cluster feeding.” Oh my goodness, I called the nurses and they were like, “oh, it’s totally normal.” I thought, “really? How do mom’s handle this? Oh right, most of them formula feed.” My first son never did that (cluster feed). He didn’t do the cluster feeding that much after the 2nd night, he just increased the time inbetween to 2 hours instead of one! I just recently weaned him when he turned 6 mos. and it went ok. As much as bfeeding was hard, I am glad I at least got him to 6mos. I think he was reacting alot more negatively to my milk anyway. His eczema on his face cleared up a ton when he was exclusively on formula. I really loved your drawings. Especially the Trex and the fire…I feel that way a lot less now that Laken is almost 7 mos. thanks for sharing:)

by Jessica Randall on January 9, 2010

Dr. Sears knows his stuff I really like his books and what not. Did you know they adopted a kid and his wife pumped and then breast fed the baby!! I think that’s great. I remember the every hour thing and it was hard. I could only imagine doing that and then having a toddler wanting to play with you all day long after a night of no sleep. Good for you for sticking with it and remember that your first month of breast feeding sets your milk supply (that’s what my friend who’s bff with the sears family) told me. Hope your nipplets aren’t cracking a bleeding!

by mariah on January 9, 2010

OMG… you kill me! ps… I am addicted to Dr. Sears too. I once when talking to my husband about thrush, actually said, that “Bob” says to do this. He was like WHO said what about your breast and why does Bob know about them! hahahah!

by Tenille B on January 10, 2010

Hi Becky. I stumbled on blog through Pat’s normalcy design site. AND OH MY GOSH. I think you’re the saving grace to what’s REAL in mommy land / being a woman in it. I’m a stranger to you … but I have seriously spilt my coffee laughing at these columns and secretly wish you would write a book. My boy is 3 months and after the bleeding, the cracking, the out of control leaking , my tears in synch with his … I finally introduced the bottle. Society tells me I should’ve kept at it longer, but HELL, we both are now happy!

I would love to introduce you to a publisher. I’m in Seattle and know some good hot spots.

by Candace V on January 10, 2010

I don’t know anything about breast feeding yet, but you are super good at drawing on your computer. A+

by melinda on February 9, 2010

[...] “I mean, really. [...]

by The Bare Minimum | Hippo Brigade on December 7, 2012

One of the bests

by melinda on December 9, 2012

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