Airports
I don’t like to travel, I just like to get there. I’m sooo not one of those people who say shit like, ‘it’s the journey, not the destination.’ The hell with that, it IS the destination, I did not spend 3,500 on a vacation to Barbados, to sit in a crowded airplane and listen to babies cry and my ear drums pop, nope, I didn’t.
But the strange thing is, I like airports. Weird right? Who the hell likes airports? Me. I like to stroll through the lame shops and consider buying corn on the cob magnets and weimaraner-dressed-as-people calendars. I love the magazine stand, and my favorite is looking at people. It’s kinda like going to the mall, only people carry luggage and have their comfy pants on. Oh, and a gentle observation about airports: a great majority of people are ugly–supremely ugly. Not just kind of ugly because they have been traveling all day–but pock marks, bad hair, big ass ugly. Is that mean? Well, the truth hurts people!
Funny story about airports: Last time Pat and I traveled, I hoisted my carry-on luggage up on the conveyor belt to have it x-rayed. There were two younger gentlemen working the machine and they stopped on my bag and stared extra long at the screen. Then they looked up at me, then back at the screen, then back at me, then back at the screen. They gave me this smirk, and one of them said quietly to the other (but not too quietly, because I heard him), “I know what THAT looks like.”
What? I thought to myself, what the frick do I have in my bag that looks questionable? My mind reeled through all my stuff in my bag: books, cosmetic bag, flip flops, head band, magazine…CURLING IRON! OMG they think it looks like a adult toy! HA! You guys are 12, get your heads out of the gutter. But, they kept smirking and giving me the eyebrow look as I walked away. And because the scrutiny was getting to me and making me extremely uncomfortable, I called out as I left– loudly, so everyone could hear, “IT”S A CURLING IRON!!”
And then security came over and asked me if there was a problem–turns out, the TSA doesn’t like it when you yell in the airport. My reply was simple, if you mistake my curling iron for a dildo, I might raise my voice.
The Conversation
by Katy
May 15th, 2008
9:59 am
I agree with you all the way. I love airports especially the magazine and snack shops. Crazy Huh! I too had that unfortunate event happen but the only thing is I didn’t have a curling iron!
by Tootsie Farklepants
May 15th, 2008
10:05 am
OMG!! Hahahahahahaaa!!! The TSA are pervs. First they wanna install security devices that see through our clothes and now they think we’re carrying around dildos in our bags. It’s like the new porn.
I love airports too! I even love the smell of the jet fuel.
by amy
May 15th, 2008
1:41 pm
funny!
by dgm
May 15th, 2008
4:36 pm
Just out of curiosity–was it a wide barrel iron or a one-incher?!?
by heart shaped hedges
May 16th, 2008
9:08 am
I LOVE people watching. As for people being ugly….my husband and I (who are not your typical CA model types) have noticed that most of the rest of the country, is ugly. Sometimes we talk of moving, just so we can be the “good looking” ones…because we would be much more attractive if we werent surrounded by the botox babes of the OC.
Anyways..funny story….I was at a BBQ of a coworker, some years back. We were all sitting around telling “most embarassing moment” stories.
One guy, older guy, with his timid, frail, wife (she was in her 60’s and quite shy)…tells about a vacation they took.
They were rushing through the airport, late and she saddled him with most of the bags, for the sake of getting to the gate quickly.
While she ran ahead, he got stuck at the conveyor, with HER suitcase….apparently, several curling-iron-looking-things were in her bag. They had to open it up and check them, he said he was red in the face, and tried to assure the airport screeners that the “toys” were not his, but his wife’s.
All my co-workers laughed, the guy laughed, his wife laughed, HA HA HA, funny story.
I sat there mortified! I couldnt believe this fatherly-type coworker, just told us all that his little houswife takes a supply of vibrators on vacation….and, I couuldnt beleive she sat there and giggled while he told us all, YUCK!!
When it came my turn, I said, “I think my most embarassing moment, was hearing YOUR most embarassing moment!”
by Matt Warren
May 20th, 2008
5:59 pm
I will say that the new American Airlines Terminal 8 at JFK is awesome!! So much to do and very cool. It’s certainly one of the better terminals out there and is a HUGE improvement from the 1960’s JFK terminal of yore. But I agree, I HATE the travel experience and just want to get there. Here’s to teleporting! w00t!
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