March 7, 2010
So, there really ARE mountain lions in the hills behind our home.
And it turns out that my crazy neighbor is actually telling the truth.
Trusted people that I know have seen this lion with their own two eyes. And there was even a fleet of helicopters here last week trying to capture the animal.
Well, they failed.
Which means if I ever want to leave my house again, I’ll have to come up with a line of defense to protect myself and my babies.
I’ll need a blow torch, because animals are afraid of fire.
A mask, in case it malls my face.
A rape whistle, to call for help
A tranquilizer gun
And a bullet proof vest, incase I accidentally drop my tranquilizer gun, and the lion tries to use it on me.
A piece of chicken fat so I can throw it and then run in the opposite direction.
And some really fast shoes.
That should do it.
Anyone wanna go on a walk with me?