So in between refrains of “Keep on Dancing ‘Til the World Ends,” I got to shop with free money and without a stroller for two hours straight!

After I loaded up my wheeled basket with pretty things, I headed to the dressing rooms.

Next.

I don’t think so.

…But then I came across this red Rebecca Taylor skirt.

I loved it the very most, but for some strange reason* I put it back.

*That strange reason is called lack of money, the fine people at Nordstrom did give me a grip of cash to run wild with around their store, but this skirt was still expensive, yo.

While the skirt didn’t make it into my bag of purchases, I drove away dreaming about it.
So I came up with a style board of all the pretty things I’d wear it with, to maybe ease the pain of not actually owning it.

Nope, didn’t work.

Instead of easing the pain, it just made me want it more.

Crap.

Clockwise from top left: blue sweater, yellow sweater,  leopard shoes, jean jacket, lace top, black booties, gold charm heart, boots, cardigan lace sweater

“If it’s too hot for boots, but too cold for Rainbows, and I’m tired of wearing my stinky holey Toms, then what do I wear? I need something like a tennis shoe, without feeling like I’m 80. I can’t rightfully wear my high school pair of VANS, right? I just love Toms but they wear out so fast. So where does that leave me? Keds? I have no idea. Please advise.”

First of all, it’s never too hot for boots.

Second of all, you still have your high school VANS? Dude.

And third of all Rainbows should only be reserved for the beach.

So here is my list of mom savvy shoe wear that is casual enough for errand running and cute enough for an impromptu lunch date with friends.

Plus, all of these shoes are super affordable.

Since Keds, Vans, and Toms were mentioned in the question, I thought it would be appropriate to include them in my list, because they’re kind of the perfect footwear for hanging out with toddlers.

1. Oxford flats from Nordstrom

2. Woven loafers from Urban Outfitters

3. Vans

4. Toms ballet flats

5. Keds

6. Suede ankle boots. I’ve been wearing these every day for more time than I care to admit.

7. Loafers from JCrew These are my one splurge on the list and I think they’d go perfect with a pair of red jeans and a chambray top.

Hope this list was helpful.

Happy shopping.

But a vast majority of people (and by vast majority I mean, like 7) are coming to my site in hopes that I have some information on where to buy Free City Sweats, because you’re fancy, and Target sweatpants just won’t do. Because Jessica Simpson and Marc Jacobs are NEVER photographed wearing Target sweatpants. Gawd!  

I wrote about sweatpants a really long time ago, and since then the Free City sweats have become as elusive to find as the Northern Hairy-nosed Wombat. But I will tell you this: 

If you live near L.A. you’re in luck, because Free City is sold at Fred Segal and Ron Herman. If you don’t live in L.A., then no sweatpants for you!! Just kidding, I’m not the sweatpant nazi, instead I give you this: the Free City Website. I know, I know,  I’m a total genius to be pointing you towards the company’s website. But that’s like the only place they sell those suckers. Talk about exclusive. 

And right in time for the Easter Holiday. If you’re not familiar with the 10 plagues of Exodus you can get these sassy puppets and help to learn your Old Testament history. I’m pretty fond of the frog one. He’s ready to not only infiltrate your land, but also to give you a heart warming high five.

Like those puppets wern’t enough of a good time, I lingered on the website and found this jem too:

And yes, if you’re my friend, and you’re expecting, be expecting me to gift  you with this bad boy at your baby shower. Not only is is flattering but also incredibly creepy. You’re welcome.

Ohhh ooooh, I found one more thing:

It’s the Go Girl, for when hovering above the germs while peeing is too much of a quad work out.

You just cup it over you lady-parts and viola, you have your very own pink rubber penis, AND you can pee standing up. Now, it’s not for me, I prefer to do the hover-squat, because I never turn down a good mini-work out to my thighs, but if your a germ-a-phobe and perfectly okay with sporting a pink phallic thingie over your thingie then, you Go Girl.

It’s fully electric and fully adorable, yes? 

Only bummer is it doesn’t come out until 2011. That seems so far away, and I’m pretty sure I’ll be old by then, and want something more sensible like a hover craft.

Christian Louboutin just debuted these bad boys. 

He only made 36, and they sold for a mere $6,000 each.

I totally would have bought a pair in pale pink, but shoot, they sold out, plus I don’t have anything that would match the tiny porcelain face that dangles from the ankle strap.

If you remember, last month some over-pumped gym rat called me chunky. It made my ass sad, so I ran out and bought a pair of these babies:

Not so much with the cute, right? Well, for your information, they are ‘magical’ shoes. Unicorns fart every time you step down which releases a special trigger that makes your legs and buns more shapely. I know, you want a pair, right?

Actually they have this rounded bottom that mimics walking in the sand, and my pair are like walking on a Mediterranean beach, because, like I said, magical. 

I haven’t noticed too much change in my ass yet, but that’s probably because I wear them while watching Real Housewives of New York City. I’ll keep you posted though.

There’s this fantastic clothing company called EVER. All their stuff is pretty much awesome, and they’re having a sale. You should check it out. You can get a hot leather jacket for 300 bucks, then you should hop on your moped, drive around the city streets, and sing a song about how great you are. 

I just finished reading the Dana Thomas book, Deluxe, where she discusses the truth about knock-offs. Before reading her book I never knew how harmful buying a knock-off purse, watch, or what-have-you could potentially be.  And I’ll even admit that I’ve purchased a pair of “Dior” sunglasses in L.A.’s Fashion District for 6 dollars, but what I didn’t know is that I was helping fund terrible crimes, among which are, human trafficking, child labor, gang warfare, money laundering and terrorism.

So next time you see a cute Louis Vuitton bag  for 50 bucks, just know that it’s probably too good to be true, and consider what you could be funding with your purchase.