But a vast majority of people (and by vast majority I mean, like 7) are coming to my site in hopes that I have some information on where to buy Free City Sweats, because you’re fancy, and Target sweatpants just won’t do. Because Jessica Simpson and Marc Jacobs are NEVER photographed wearing Target sweatpants. Gawd!  

I wrote about sweatpants a really long time ago, and since then the Free City sweats have become as elusive to find as the Northern Hairy-nosed Wombat. But I will tell you this: 

If you live near L.A. you’re in luck, because Free City is sold at Fred Segal and Ron Herman. If you don’t live in L.A., then no sweatpants for you!! Just kidding, I’m not the sweatpant nazi, instead I give you this: the Free City Website. I know, I know,  I’m a total genius to be pointing you towards the company’s website. But that’s like the only place they sell those suckers. Talk about exclusive. 

And right in time for the Easter Holiday. If you’re not familiar with the 10 plagues of Exodus you can get these sassy puppets and help to learn your Old Testament history. I’m pretty fond of the frog one. He’s ready to not only infiltrate your land, but also to give you a heart warming high five.

Like those puppets wern’t enough of a good time, I lingered on the website and found this jem too:

And yes, if you’re my friend, and you’re expecting, be expecting me to gift  you with this bad boy at your baby shower. Not only is is flattering but also incredibly creepy. You’re welcome.

Ohhh ooooh, I found one more thing:

It’s the Go Girl, for when hovering above the germs while peeing is too much of a quad work out.

You just cup it over you lady-parts and viola, you have your very own pink rubber penis, AND you can pee standing up. Now, it’s not for me, I prefer to do the hover-squat, because I never turn down a good mini-work out to my thighs, but if your a germ-a-phobe and perfectly okay with sporting a pink phallic thingie over your thingie then, you Go Girl.

It’s fully electric and fully adorable, yes? 

Only bummer is it doesn’t come out until 2011. That seems so far away, and I’m pretty sure I’ll be old by then, and want something more sensible like a hover craft.

Christian Louboutin just debuted these bad boys. 

He only made 36, and they sold for a mere $6,000 each.

I totally would have bought a pair in pale pink, but shoot, they sold out, plus I don’t have anything that would match the tiny porcelain face that dangles from the ankle strap.

If you remember, last month some over-pumped gym rat called me chunky. It made my ass sad, so I ran out and bought a pair of these babies:

Not so much with the cute, right? Well, for your information, they are ‘magical’ shoes. Unicorns fart every time you step down which releases a special trigger that makes your legs and buns more shapely. I know, you want a pair, right?

Actually they have this rounded bottom that mimics walking in the sand, and my pair are like walking on a Mediterranean beach, because, like I said, magical. 

I haven’t noticed too much change in my ass yet, but that’s probably because I wear them while watching Real Housewives of New York City. I’ll keep you posted though.

There’s this fantastic clothing company called EVER. All their stuff is pretty much awesome, and they’re having a sale. You should check it out. You can get a hot leather jacket for 300 bucks, then you should hop on your moped, drive around the city streets, and sing a song about how great you are. 

I just finished reading the Dana Thomas book, Deluxe, where she discusses the truth about knock-offs. Before reading her book I never knew how harmful buying a knock-off purse, watch, or what-have-you could potentially be.  And I’ll even admit that I’ve purchased a pair of “Dior” sunglasses in L.A.’s Fashion District for 6 dollars, but what I didn’t know is that I was helping fund terrible crimes, among which are, human trafficking, child labor, gang warfare, money laundering and terrorism.

So next time you see a cute Louis Vuitton bag  for 50 bucks, just know that it’s probably too good to be true, and consider what you could be funding with your purchase.

And then I saw this:

A special edition Bugaboo stroller tattooed in exclusive Marc by Marc Jacobs fabric!! My jaw hit the floor when I saw the image on my computer screen, and I started thinking up ways to justify the purchase…
It’s only 1,500 dollars. I just won’t eat, drive, or leave the house for 67 days.
But then I read more about the stroller, and found out that they only made 15. And they were all sold. RATS!

Well, since I’m not in the market for a new stroller, I took the devastating news in stride, and the bright side is, I can eat!

Here are some other “designer strollers” on the market, that don’t come with all the exclusivity and hype of the Marc Jacbos stroller.

Juicy Couture:

Kate Spade:

…and Burberry:

I won’t be mad at you for thinking that I’m a totally ridiculous nut-job of a girl for even considering a $1,500 designer stroller, because inside somewhere, I’m mad at myself too…

Seriously? Seriously.