It’s getting close to the time in my gestational cycle where I start to panic. Because I have done the preparation equivalency of studying for my SATs when I was in high school. Which for the record was nada. When I was in high school, I oped for sleeping in and eating a Jack N’ the Box chicken sandwich for lunch instead of taking my SATs. And then at graduation when all my friends proclaimed that they were going to a prestigious state school or mega private university, I burped ranch dressing essence in their faces and stuttered that I was joining the loadies at community college.
And look at me now! I have a world famous blog (and by world famous, I mean, that at least 7 people a month read my blog in Tarlac City in the Philippines). Sure it’s probably just one person who doesn’t know how to use the internet, but still, it makes me feel like a world wide sensation. And I’m pretty sure that if I took that standardized test when I was 18 instead of sleeping until noon on a Saturday, then writing in my diary about how much I love my cat, and then eating fast food, I wouldn’t be the mega star that I am today. So suck it SATs, I didn’t have time for you because I was too busy building character. Ya, that’s what I’m going to call it…
Character building aside, I still have to prepare for a brand new life that will completely rely on my arms and my boobs, and I’ve have to nest, and feverishly clean my house, and do weird chores like clean the air ducts, and spackle things, as I wear a maternity support belt and compression stockings all while contemplating a nose piercing. Because I totally pulled it off in my early 20s and I want to feel young and relevant again. I could totally pull it off, right?
Well no. I can’t. Plus I remember it would always get crusty with make-up and snot, and that’s not really a cute look. I had allergies. I was very boogery. Thus the snot. Don’t judge.
So a thought occurred to me the other day, while I was frantically bleaching the baseboards with a rhinestone taped to my nose: I have almost everything for the baby, crib, stroller, baby sling, breast pump, swing, blankets, etc… I still need a few new things.
So I’ve curated a list of essentials that I need:
1.The good guide rated Dr. Bronner’s Baby Mild Bar Soap among the best around based on health, environment, and the company’s social policies, so sure, I think I’d like to give it a whirl.
2. A wooden baby teething toy made by my pal over at Little Alouette, because all the toys at my house are covered in dog saliva and goldfish cracker crumbs.
3. The Natursutten natural pacifier, all my babies thus far love to suck, and I’m sure this little nugget is no exception.
4. Cloth diapers were my jam with Hudson, and I think I’ll give it a go again with this peanut. These ones by Soft Bums can fit from 5 pounds to 30.
6. We’re painting the nursery gray, so this gray mobile would be perfectly adorable dangling above the baby’s crib.
7. The Puj Tub is a foldable soft tub that can fit in your bathroom sink. I hate those clunky plastic jobs that take up a ton of space. This tub stores flat and looks super cool.
8. For those times when I need a break and need to get out of the house, Pump and Save Bags by Medela are fantastic.
11. Because cloth diapers piss my mom off, I’ll need to get some disposables. The Honest Company makes adorable ones and they’re somewhat ecologically responsible. I say somewhat, because they still take 500 years to decompose, and they’ll probably end up in an ocean somewhere where a beluga whale will chomp on my infant’s watery poop.
12. Lily Padz nursing pads are fun because they stick to your ta-tas, and I imagine it looking similar to shoving your face against a window, plus there’s no wasteful disposable pads to deal with.
13. Adorable baby hat.
14. And lastly, I’ll need some lip gloss. Because my face will look gnarly, and people will come over and want to squeeze my precious newborn, and they sure as hell need to be redirected from the giant circles under my eyes, and spit up all over my arms, and what better than a shiny coat of lip gloss to distract them?