Wanna know how to lose 20 pounds in 5 days?


December 29, 2009

Have a baby.


Hot Jambalaya! I almost look and feel normal again, well, except for the leaky breasts, the purple puff bags under my eyes, and the not being able to sit in a chair for longer than 12 minutes.

So, do you want to hear my birth story?

I have to tell you about it because it makes me a bit of a hypocrite.

Yes, me. A hypocrite.

I had 12 hours of the most intense labor, and then I demanded the drugs.


I went into the whole labor process clear-minded and ready to experience the natural and beautiful gift of childbirth, with all the pains and sensations that go with it. I was excited, and a little nervous, but mostly excited.

Cut to me 12 hours later–

And I was done.

My body started to feel like it was being ripped apart. With each contraction that came on, I felt myself uncontrollably fight it, and I was unable to acquiesce to the work that my uterus was doing despite all the preparation I did before labor that taught me how to handle that type of pain. The room was black with agony, and my back, my legs, my abdomen all throbbed with fire.

My husband and doula tried to remind me that I wanted a natural birth, but that seemed such a miniscule notion in light of what I was going through: all I wanted was this baby out, and the pain to stop.

After the epidural I was happy again.

And then 9 oozy gooey hours later Hudson Jack was born.


12+9 = 21 hours of labor.


I thought second babies were supposed to come out faster?


The good news is I had a successful VBAC.

And a beautiful healthy baby!



I’ve been lurking here for a bit but had to come out to say: Congratulations Mama!

He’s gorgeous and you clearly did a really good job.

by Jillian on December 29, 2009

Congrats! He’s beautiful. I was too freaked to try VBAC, so give you mad props for doing that. Hope your cooch heals quickly.

by Andrea on December 29, 2009

CONGRATS! He is adorable! I am so happy for yr family! LOVE goes out! xoxoxooxxoxoo

by amy on December 29, 2009

Beckey, I love you. Great post! You got me nervous and excited all at once. Many congrats on your successful VBAC. The only thing that helps me sleep at night is knowing that I can get an epidural again. When I got mine, at 16 hours, I said “it’s a miracle!” and then took a 2 hour nap. It was glorious. Pretty sure that’s my birth plan this time through. Hudson is adorable and you look gorgeous. Can’t wait to visit when you’re ready….actually, I’d rather not see you with your flat little stomach while mine is busting at the seems. I’ll see you in a few weeks 🙂

by Natalie Johnson on December 29, 2009

What is a VBAC?

Congrats!! He is adorable!! I love the name too. Great name.

by Kristin (kgroovy) on December 29, 2009

I am so happy for you baby cousin! Congrats to you all. I can’t wait to meet the little man! Love to the fam!

by Jil on December 29, 2009

I am loving the hair on Hudson! Congrats on such a handsome boy!

by Julie Snell on December 29, 2009

What a cutie!! Congrats!

By the way, a bout of malaria or typhoid has been known to help frop those pounds quickly as well! (That’s just a bit of expat humour).

You look great even on birth day! How can that be? Go gurl!


Holli in Ghana

by Holli on December 30, 2009

one bonus of having a c section… the lady parts don’t turn into a “jelly fish without tentacles”… too funny. I think they eventually go back… I think. 🙂

by tina on December 30, 2009

Kristin, a VBAC is a vaginal birth after a c-section.

by Hippo Brigade on December 30, 2009

OMG… 21 Hours, you are a hero! and he is amazing! Congrats!

by Wendy Wilson on December 30, 2009

He is such a beautiful baby!!

by Jennifer Ogdon on December 30, 2009

Oh he’s adorable. And I love that name! Congratulations!

by Steam Me Up, Kid on December 30, 2009

congrats! whatta gorgeous baby 🙂 such a sweetheart.

by madison on January 1, 2010

yay for babies coming out of our vaginas!!! he is so perfect and adorable i just can’t stand it. you’ve given it to me. the baby fever. and a word to the wise- do not under any circumstance look at your vag. i made my mom tell me what it looked like right afterwards and she started to say something and then just shook her head. her silence was enough so i looked at mine. yikes. that’s all i want to say about that.

by Katelyn on January 2, 2010

Becky this is Mariah I’ve met you a few times…Your son is precious and such a mini man. Congratulations on having a healthy baby and going the VBAC route. That’s like having a kid for the first time (or so I’ve heard from other VBAC mom’s). Your birth story is so amazing, you are a strong woman. And about your vagina I agree give it a few weeks. I took a peek a few days after Isaac and wow not something you ever need to see. I asked my best friend (who has had a few kids) if I would ever he whole again. I am 🙂 but it took a good 6 weeks. Hope your vagina heals swiftly!

by mariah on January 6, 2010

He is absolutely beautiful!

by gorillabuns on January 7, 2010

Congrats he is beautiful!

by Dianne on February 22, 2010

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I love him already. I can’t wait to get back to meet him.

by amanda on December 24, 2009

Congratulations! He’s beautiful and I love his name.

by Robin (noteverstill) on December 25, 2009

awwwwwww he is amazing! Congrats!!!

by amanda on December 25, 2009

Congratulations and happy holidays

by Mike Krause on December 25, 2009

Congratulations 🙂

by Jennifer on December 26, 2009

he’s perfect! but you probably already knew that

by Lora on December 28, 2009

Yea!! I figured this must have been the reason you hadn’t blogged in a few days. Congrats!

by Bellacantare on December 29, 2009

OMG this is so late but I am so so so behind my blogs but CONGRATULATIONS!!! He’s gorgeous and I love the name Hudson!

by Bridget on January 11, 2010

Oh my gosh!! How are you SO damn beautiful JUST after giving birth?! Seriously, that makes no logical sense, Beckey. You look amazing. And Hudson is adorable. Good job, you guys – looks like that worked out pretty well. 😉

by Michelle Doerr on January 29, 2010

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My Birth Plan


December 15, 2009

I’ve never really taken a stand on anything. I’ve always seen both sides to most things, and usually just shrug and think whatever.

But something happened between this pregnancy and my previous one, and it shook me to the core of who I am as a woman. It has made me take a stand on both how this baby will enter the world, and how the hospital will mandate the way I should labor and deliver.

So many women are passive about their births. They think that it’s easier to just have drugs and be done with it. Why would I want to scream and writhe with pain when I have the option of feeling nothing? My first birth I thought the same way; I figured it was just what we do. And yes, as American woman 90 per cent of us choose to have a hospitalized, and medically assisted birth. But with America bringing in the highest mortality and c-section rates in the world, something about the way we do it might just be flawed.

Because my first birth was a C-Section, my OB gave me the option to have another C-Section, and in the same breath he also told me that I have a slightly higher chance of birthing vaginally than a first time mother. Wait? What? So, which is it Doc? Do I birth vaginally or have surgery? I looked into to it, and realized that so many other women take the surgery option because it’s easier. And my doctor was just giving me an easier way out.

EASIER?!! Easier to have more risk to myself and baby? Easier to recover for 8 weeks instead of 1? Easier to not bond with my baby directly after giving birth? I told him I was going to have this baby vaginally and naturally. It’s important for me that my first birth experience will not be repeated, but to also be present and alive for what my body was created to do. I want to feel the rush of adrenaline and opidids that will naturally coerce through my veins as I have a contraction, I want to feel in control, but simountaunisly surrender to my body, I want to be covered with endorphins as my new baby is pushed through me.

Am I scared? You’re damn straight I’m scared. Not a minute ticks by in these last few days that I don’t think of the trauma that I’ll endure to get this baby out. I’m scared that as much as I try to prepare, things are out of my hands and anything can happen. I’m scared that I’ll end up with another C-Section. But just knowing that I have prepared, and I’ve made myself an active participant in this birth, and not just an observer, has given me peace. And I know whatever outcome God has for me and my baby, will be the right one.


Hey, how’d you manage that? My first one was an emergen-C and I was told that in OC hospitals (I was at Mission) I couldn’t do a VBAC unless the doctor was willing to be at the hospital for my entire labor. Supposedly this was an insurance issue. So I used a midwife for all my prenatal and had an OB perform the C. Fortunately, the recovery was waaaaaay faster that second time.

In any event, good luck, good luck! We’re pullin’ for you! I look forward to your stories about that little va-jay cushion you’ll be sitting on.

by dgm on December 15, 2009

Hurray for you! Regardless of the choice outcome, I commend you for thinking about and making a choice. I agree that many women are passive about this. It’s your body and your baby – think about the options.

by Bellacantare on December 15, 2009

My prayers are with you.

by Mike Krause on December 15, 2009

Love it. I’m so excited to meet the little guy that I keep checking my phone to see if there’s been any news. You have all my best wishes that things go smoothly and peacefully this time around.

by amanda on December 15, 2009

Hey Beckey,

I’m excited for you guys…as you are days away from welcoming this little man into your home! I’ll be thinking of you! My first was a c-section and my last two were vag births….so it can be done! You’ll do great! But you are right…trust Him for the details as He so perfectly choses to orchestrate them! Love ya! Tay 🙂

by Taylore on December 15, 2009

Couldnt be happier for you!
I had an epidural with my first and went completely au naturale with my second and I surely dont regret it. You are right, you feel much more in control and right after, all the pain is gone and you feel pretty much back to normal. And I mean, right after! I was walking around going to the bathroom and nursery within the first hour.
Many blessings to you! Be Strong!

by Kathy on December 16, 2009

I hear ya Becky…C-sections stink and it was never the experience I thought I would go through when giving birth. I felt a little cheated. I pray that the VBac goes well and that it will encourage me to do the same with #2. Good luck and God Bless baby #2.

by Kari B on December 16, 2009

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Meaty Ass Fat


December 9, 2009

I’m 38 weeks pregnant.

And my ass couldn’t look any fatter.

Oh, my mom even said so. Yeah, while we were walking through the mall, she’s all, “Whoa, Beckey, you finally have some meat on your butt.” or something grotesque like that.

And then I turned around all frantic, like people do when you tell them that have something on their backside. And I was like, “WHAT? Where!? Oh, sick get it off? What kind of meat is it? Is it the pork loin I had for a mid-afternoon snack, or is it a piece of that corn dog I ate for breakfast?”

And she was like, “No, You don’t actually have any meat products on your butt, I was just saying you had a fat ass.”

Ahhh, that’s a relief.

Thanks mom.


Ah parents. They say the darndest things.

by mepsipax on December 9, 2009

I don’t even know what to say here!
It will be over soon, I promise

by Lora on December 9, 2009

Leave it to mothers to say it like it is. Meat products…yum.

by Tara on December 9, 2009

My mom came to help out with my 2 yr old while i was having baby no 2. She said “I don’t know how you can run around so much and still be so fat”. Thanks mom, luv u to. But you posted pics not that long ago and you are soooooooo far from meaty it isn’t even funny!

by amanda on December 9, 2009

Guess what else you are … a winner. WINNER. Winner.

Make a trip to Yellaphant today. If you can drag yo fat ass that far.

by Yellaphant on December 10, 2009

I read your posts because you are the rant master.

by Mike Krause on December 10, 2009

I hope you told her she was looking old. 😉

by Bellacantare on December 10, 2009

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Next time you see me at Target you should probably push your cart the other direction because I might verbally assail you, and when I’m done, I’ll make you buy all my stuff.


December 3, 2009

The lady in front of me wrote a check at while I was at Target today.

A check.

Like those little pieces of rectangular paper where you fill out stuff.

With a pen.

It was weird.

And then I felt sorry for her.

But instead of feeling sorry for her, I should have given her some very valuable information:

Hi, you know that when you open a checking account, the bank gives you a debit card? It’s shiny like your sparkly eyeshadow, and you zip it through this machine right here, see? This red box? Yeah, you just zip your card through that, and press some buttons, perhaps contract a communicable disease, and then…listen up, because here’s the important part…you leave. Yup. that’s it.

See, that adorable 18-year-old standing behind the cash register? She has no f-ing clue what to do with your check, and after she figures it out, she has to stamp stuff on the back, and write your drivers’ license number down, and then she’ll call her older, and slightly hotter sister when she’s in the stock room later and cry about how she’s not good at anything, and maybe she should go back to stripping, because at least she felt like she belonged. DO you want to be responsible for sending a young girl out into the yeasty world of stripping? Again!? No serrie, I don’t think so. So, why don’t you do us all a favor, and rip up that silly check with the picture of Garfield eating an entire casserole dish of lasagna, and grab your credit card, because I know you have to have one of those somewhere in that musty bag of yours. And while you’re at it, pay for my shit too.

Ugh, some people can be so inconsiderate. Isn’t it just a Christmas miracle that I’m here to set some nutbags straight?


He he. You said nutbags. And hell yeah I want to send her back to stripping. Crushing their self esteem is what makes strippers. Besides the really ugly girl gets the checkout done faster and… she can read.

by mepsipax on December 4, 2009

The “yeasty” world of stripping…Classic!

by Julie Snell on December 4, 2009

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1 Comment

December 2, 2009

I should probably write something.

It’s been a week.

I should probably do a lot of things.

Like read a book, learn Mandarin, do some laundry, or figure out how to attach socks to my dog so I can mop the floors.

I almost had three baby socks on her yesterday, but she bit them all off and thought it was some wildly amusing game. I thought it made perfect sense, and if she’d just participate, then I could let her walk around on my freshly mopped floors.

Gawd, Zoey, sometimes you can be such a bitch.


1 Comment:

Use rubber bands!

by Yellaphant on December 4, 2009

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