August 31, 2009

My best friend is at the hospital in labor.

My daughter is watching cartoons like a damn drunk, and I’m concerned.


There could be people walking through our home looking to live here, and I can’t remember if I cleaned up my toenail clippings off the bathroom counter or not.


And Oh, we’re buying a home.


My mind is spastic, kinda like those spin art things that were cool in the 2nd grade. And I remember giving my creation to my mom so she could proudly display that beauty on the fridge, and instead she ashed her cigarette on the cat and stuck it in the pantry, under the box of Mrs. Cubbisons croutons. So maybe my mind is spastic like spin art AND my mother.

Does anyone have a cigarette?


zomg that is HUGE. Can you please post pics of the house? Also WHERE did you get that dress? I need to buy it immediately. Because it’s adorable.

by Bridget on August 31, 2009

okay zoey on the couch in the first pic is AWESOME! and i would agree that dress is fabulous! and yes… where is this house? i kind of thought there was talk about the northwest??

by allie on August 31, 2009

The sun appears to be shining in that last picture, so I know you aren’t moving to Seattle. Yay! Congratulations. If you have to downsize, I’ll take Berlyn’s purple polka dot chair off your hands.

by dgm on August 31, 2009

I agree – that dress is SO cute. And your kid watching cartoons like a drunk? Ha. HA!

But the toenail clippings? Ew. Enough of that. ūüėČ

by monnik on August 31, 2009

VERY cool :D. Can’t wait to see photos.

by kristy - wheres my damn answer on August 31, 2009

Toenail clippings? Bwahahahahahahahahhahahah

by North County Mike on August 31, 2009

Ha ha, okay, my husband and I just read a few of your blogs, and laughed so much! You made my day! He normally wonders why I read some blogs and today I read a few of yours and I think he has now figured out why, others lives are pretty hilarious as well as our own (O: Thanks

by The Russells on August 31, 2009

Ergh, feeling the same way. Moving, new job, and all I want to do is sit around and eat those little foil chocolate balls your mom got me from See’s.

Also, similar to you wondering if you left your toenail clippings out, a girl at work told me she saw me on the freeway the other day and my first thought was, “Oh geez, I hope I wasn’t picking my nose!”

by amanda on August 31, 2009

The dress is from Forever 21. Bummer is the elastic around the boob area is busted, and I think it has to do with the lack of quality and craftsmanship and is in no way related to my massive breasts.

by Hippo Brigade on August 31, 2009

Not to be all stalker-ish but I think we’re going to be neighbors.

by Suz Broughton on September 5, 2009

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Pregnancy Cravings


August 27, 2009

You all know the drill: Female in waiting wants everything in sight RIGHT NOW.

It’s kind of pathetic. And I actually thought I’d be above cravings, because I am a more developed species.

I know this because I don’t make a weird face when I put on eye make-up, and I never became enamored with The New Kids on the Block in the 5th grade like all my lame friends. And they’d all prance around wearing their New Kids on the Block giant buttons on their shoulder padded shirts, and I’d be all, “I just want you to know that I am more evolved than you because I refuse to put Joey McIntyre on my ‘guys I want to see naked’ list, and one day I’ll never succumb to pregnancy cravings. And please excuse me because I have to go shave my legs now.” And then I paused while everyone gasped and got used to the idea that I was in fact more superior than them.

Only that someday is now, and yes, I’ve succumbed. Kinda sounds like a dirty word, doesn’t it? Not only have I succumbed but I turn into a fire monster who threatens to eat the dog if I don’t get my pregnancy craving met at the very moment that I first notice it.

Early in my pregnancy it was Trader Jo’s whole wheat sourdough toast with butter.

Then all I wanted was deli sandwiches from Big O to Go.

Yup, you read that right, Big O To Go.

I never did received a Big O from them, so I think that might have something to do with why I stopped craving their sandwiches.

Then it became Pinwheels. These marshmallow chocolate cookie things that are like pillows of melt-in-your-mouth heaven.

Now it’s cereal.

I’ve been eating so much of Golden Smacks that my pee smells like Golden Smacks. And I need a bigger bowl. Because these stupid, tiny ‘cereal bowls’ I got at Crate and Barrel can suck it. I need one of those metal mixing bowls that hold 7 quarts of cereal. That way, not only can I smell my Golden Smacks pee, but my neighbors¬†will be able to too.

The thought of it just makes you want to move right next door to me, doesn’t it?


Good thing you’re not a hockey fanatic.

by North County Mike on August 27, 2009

i was wondering what that sweet-slash-amonia-like stench was.

by gabriel.ryan. on August 27, 2009

I love Golden Smack pee! Can I really be your neighbor? Please please please say yes.

by Dena Lucas on August 27, 2009

I would have rather had my Big O right there. Although I can imagine a time when the quickie would be in order.

by dgm on August 27, 2009

Golden Smacks – haven’t had those in forever!

Ha – NKOTB were so lame. I’m older than you and even my friends were all freaky over them. Still don’t get it.

by monnik on August 28, 2009

I never thought I would have craving either, but with my first it was Apple Jack’s and hot dogs with a coke (I even looked up the caffeine content of coke to figure out how many I could drink a day without going over the caffeine limit set by my OB).
Number 2 it was Frosted Cheerios, Avocados and Cheese Curls. Funny thing is I never, never eat cold cereal.

by Cara on August 28, 2009

The pee stench doesn’t even depend on the quantity of golden smacks you eat. It’s ridiculous. One little piece and BAM. It’s all over…

by Hayli on August 28, 2009

I am all about lime flavored popsicles today.

by melinda on August 29, 2009

I ate more cereal when I was pregnant BOTH times then I had in my entire life!

by Casey on September 11, 2009

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I have been forgetting my wallet lately.


August 23, 2009

I switch bags often so sometimes I think I have it, but then at the most inconvenient times, I realize I don’t.

Like a few weeks ago when I had this fantastic idea to go to Target and Trader Jo’s, AND Home Goods. I felt good. I was gonna get some shit done that day. First I headed to Home Goods to try to find a table cloth, or a picture frame, or maybe it was a giant tiger sculpture lamp, either way, I didn’t find anything there so I left. But as I was getting ready to back out, some crazy lady, who reminded me of my mother, rear ended me. We exchanged information, and she felt terrible, and I continued on my journey to Target.

I loaded up my cart as I leisurely walked down the isles. I sniffed soap, flipped through magazines, and tried on a purple sports bra, Then I made my way to the check out, stuck everything on the conveyor belt, smiled at the checker, and I even threw in a pack of gum too, because I was feeling kicky.

I started to nonchalantly fish for my wallet.

Then I started to dig for my wallet.

AND THEN I dumped everything on the floor, got on my knees, and frantically stirred things around hoping to find some form of currency.


Oh the shame.

The embarrassment.

And the feeling of defeat as I admitted that I didn’t have a way to pay for all the stuff she just rang up.

It might have been the first time I’ve ever walked out of Target without buying something.

As I was driving home I realized that I got in a car accident, and I didn’t have my wallet on me. And I was more worried about making sure I bought laundry detergent at Target?

Two weeks later I forgot my wallet again. This time it was a the Farmer’s Market.

A week after that I forgot it again. At Happy Nails.

Yesterday it was at the drive-thru at Del Taco.

You’d think I’d learn.


my wallet was a total headache when I was pregnant. I lost it so often that the one time I actually remembered it, I backtracked to eleventy billion different stores asking if they’d seen it. I was fat and crying. It was so pathetic. The whole time, my wallet was in the cupholder between the driver’s and passenger seat. It’s bright green, in a grey car. I don’t know what happened

by Lora on August 24, 2009

This? This is why I am so not a person who loves buying and owning a large number of purses/bags. I know that is heresy, but I absolutely hate switching them out.

Will you still love me?

by dgm on August 24, 2009

It the pregnant crazies setting in. You’ll look back and just laugh and laugh about it…or not ūüôā

by Suz Broughton on August 24, 2009

I am like dgm, I owe one purse for this same reason. I use to do that all the time and it was so frustrating. Were you able to go back for the stuff later?
I went to Trader Joe’s one time, had a full cart and a hungry screaming baby and no wallet. They rang the stuff up, put it in the cooler and let me run home and back to get my wallet to pay for the items.

by Cara on August 25, 2009

I did it last month at the grocery store. So many people hatin’ on me.

by Bridget on August 25, 2009

If you keep buying those purses, the terrorists will have won.

by dgm on August 25, 2009

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The Great Northwest Part II


August 14, 2009

So we packed up our bags, said farewell to the rococo, and set out North, to Seattle.

We flew this tiny plane and if the propreller wasn’t so loud, everyone on the plane could probably hear me screaming, “OH SHIT! WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!”.


I don’t like flying. I think it’s god damn miracle I don’t dissolve into flames every time the plane takes off. I mean, a giant piece of metal weighing hundreds of thousands of pounds is flying through the air? Like a frickin bird? Nope. It does not make any sense in my mind. But there are a lot of things that don’t make sense in my mind, like how television works, and algebraic equations, so that’s not saying very much.

But it was a miracle, because we made it to Seattle without dissolving into flames.


The first thing we did was head down to Pike’s Market because we’re goofy tourists who love looking at frozen fish and how cheese is made.





Then we met up with our favorite traveling friends, Ty and Rhea.


We loaded into their rented Hyundai Accent for some car sickness and toured different parts of the city.

I saw a wall filled with chewed gum.


And then I saw a telephone pole wearing a sweater.


We drove through idyllic tree lined neighborhoods that had houses that looked like this:


When we drove past the people that lived inside these houses we would scream out the window at them, “How does it feel to have the perfect life?!”

Then young Billy, playing basketball in the driveway would yell back, “I HATE MY DAD!”

And then we’d realize that these people have problems too, only their problems are prettier than ours.

We loved Seattle, we loved the beauty of the city, and I would be thrilled to live there for the rest of my life. Only I’d probably be depressed the whole time because of the constant rain and my family and friends living so far away. I’d just sit inside my perfect 1914 craftsman bungalow and cry into my coffee while Berlyn played basketball in the driveway.

And then people would yell out their car window that my life is perfect, and I’d add more kahula to my coffee.

And smile.


First, that’s the cutest little baby bump I’ve ever seen. Second, the pictures are awesome, and wow that house is awesome. Third, I’m picking up on a bit of moving remorse? Is it true? Does this mean you’ll stay and be happy to live in Ladera (or close enough to it to make people think you live in Ladera) forever? I’m going to take that as a yes. Yay!!

by sarah on August 14, 2009

I hate to predict that Vancouver BC is next because my prediction record so far is 100%. That would mean you are leaving the whole country of Amerika.

You know, this whole adventure of yours reminds me of a little girl named Dorothy who traveled to a far off land, made out with creepy dwarfy people, befriended a coward, an idiot, and a heartless silver man with a funnel on his head, and killed two witches along the way, only to find out that there’s no place like home. Just sayin’.

by dgm on August 14, 2009

Wow – I just stumbled across your blog. Your pictures are amazing! I’ll definitely be back.

by monnik on August 19, 2009

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The Great Northwest Part I


August 12, 2009

For a while now The Man and I been talking about moving to a place far away called Not Orange County. We’re not too picky as to where we want to live, but some main non negotiable¬†points would be: no snow, no midwest, no big hair, no marrying your cousin, no alligator meat, and no humidity.

In our mission to find the perfect place to raise a family, build community, and lay down our roots (no pressure or anything), we decided to take a little trip up to the great Northwest where it rains a lot, but rain produces an amazing amount of beauty, so it’s totally forgivable. Plus, I never have to do my hair or take off my sweatpants when it’s raining. BINGO.

Our first stop was Portland.



We rode bikes. Because that’s what you do in Portland. Except no one told me that I would be too dressed up in this city. Even in my jeans and sweater I felt like a movie star. People in Portland are…to put it nicely, very casual.



We wandered into this amazing shop where they had chickens made of plastic bags. I wanted it. But Pat wouldn’t buy it for me. He said something about us having too many plastic bag chickens.

He was right. Dammit.




We rode the bus a lot. And I’m down with the bus riding because it means I got to people watch some freaky ass people.


And our hotel was where Rococo came to die, but in a good way.


So much good in fact, that I never wanted to leave this couch. But eventually I did, because someone, somewhere was eating bacon. And in that moment I realized that I too needed to be eating bacon.


Oh, and I also had a beer. It’s good for the baby, no?

All in all, Portland is a good place to score some weed, get a hemp skirt, and dodge street activists with clip boards. We loved the city, but can’t really imagine ourselves living there. Too bad really, because I was looking foward to dreadlocking my hair.


Incredible. Looking forward to part 2.

by Ty on August 12, 2009

Good to know… where you going next?

by Caley on August 13, 2009

They have beer in Portland? I’m so moving there if I ever decide to … go there.

I’m sure you’ll be looking at Seattle, too. What about one of those little towns outside of SF like Petaluma or Sonoma? What about San Clemente, which is not Not Orange County, but it’s much less OC than those other parts, or a little town in SD county like Leucadia? I’m saying it would be a shame to let you go. You are one of the OC’s greatest natural resources.

by dgm on August 13, 2009

SF is sooo ‘spensive (I always say that word like I’m Ricky Ricardo…don’t ask), BUT, DGM is right, there are lots of little towns around worth looking at. Just depends on what you want to do for a job – everyone’s hurtin’, which doesn’t help the ‘spensive part.

by Bellacantare on August 14, 2009

Being a native Oregonian, I have to say that you did a pretty good job of concisely summing up Portland; especially your comment about clothes (and anything else) made out of hemp, and the activists walking around with clip boards making you feel guilty for not loving swallows native to the Oregon coast enough. And your observation about you being way more dressed than everyone else made sense. Definitely depends on the area of Portland you’re in. And, um, did you actually stay in one of the most fabulous places I’ve ever experienced? The Nines?! So jealous. I’ve been there a couple of times but only for appetizers and looking around pretending that I’m an actual guest. That place has the best design anywhere. Glad you guys were able to experience it. And hopefully you had good weather – the summers are amazing there. But the rest of the time…..gray, gray and more gray. With rain thrown in. One more thing: I loved the way you put it when you said you guys are looking for a place called “not Orange County.” Clever, as always.

by Michelle on August 19, 2009

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Labor and Delivery


August 6, 2009

My first labor ended in a cesarean. It was several days of early labor, and about 12 hours of hard labor, and at the end of all of It I was cut open. I was exhausted, confused, and defeated. For a long time I thought something was inherently wrong with me. Like maybe my body just didn’t know how to birth a baby.

Every time I think of the moment they wheeled me out of the delivery room and into the operating room, my eyes well up, and my face turns pale.

However I don’t discount the fact I had the most beautiful, healthy baby in my arms (4 HOURS LATER!!) But it wasn’t about Berlyn, it was about me, and my inadequacy as a woman.

I remember a day later, after they removed the catheter, and I was free to walk and pee at my own will, I asked the doctor what had happened. She told me that I failed to progress, and they had to do a c-section. She was so nonchalant. Like the same tone she’d use to discuss what she had for lunch. And before she left the room she told me that my subsequent pregnancies would have to end in a c-section too.

No wonder why I felt inadequate.

This pregnancy I’m going to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). And that doctor that told me I would have to have c-sections, can suck it.


Plus, did you know, with enough repeat cesareans, your poop and innards could just randomly fall to the floor at any given moment?


Your poop.

On the floor.

Can you imagine?

At a dinner party? You meet someone new and say, “Hi, I’m Beckey.”

“Oh, that? That’s just my poo. Pay no attention. Ooops, I think my uterus just fell out of my vagina too. Please excuse me a minute.”

I don’t what that.


As I look back on my first birth, I was so gripped with fear that it paralyzed me. Emotionally and literally. I was unable to deal with the fear, so I acquiesced¬†the medical practices (epidural, pitocin, fetal monitors, catheters, etc.) that I thought made birthing easier, turns out it’s only easier for the physician.

Currently I’m pouring over books about midwifery, medicine, natural births, and VBACs, I’ve hired a doula, and asked my OB more questions than a 4 year old, all to ensure that I do not wander into this new chapter of my life blindly.

I have 4 more months, and that’s good, because it gives me time to equip myself, to understand my body, and to look forward to the powerful and inspiring gift of giving birth.

Wish me luck.


I feel moved to comment, which though I’ve been reading here for a while, I’ve never done before (sorry!). My first pregnancy ended in a c-section, too. I didn’t have the same complications as yours. I had a daughter with a bony butt and all those glorious finger exams where they say “oh good, I feel her head?” Liars. They felt her bony butt. My daughter was breech and we didn’t know it until I had progressed all the painful way to 10cm. They said “ready to push?” And then they said, “wait – don’t.” Five minutes later I was in surgery.
My second pregnancy I was determined not to repeat the c-section. I successfully VBAC’d my (non-breech) second daughter. That delivery made me a rock star in my own mind. I did it! Which is to say: you can, too. It may be the single most empowering thing I’ve ever done. I went in with determination as my biggest tool. The doula, the research – it’ll all help. But just believe in yourself. I’m such a VBAC advocate now.
I’m pregnant again for one last time and there’s no question in my mind I’m going for a VBAC2 (a V2BAC? VB2AC?). I’m so excited. You’re due before me – so be my inspiration!

by Robin (noteverstill) on August 6, 2009

Wait, back the bus up. Your poop and insides can fall out your vagina whenever they feel like it? Is that what you said? I know very little about labor and c-sections but now I’m fascinated.

I’m thinking that would be a pretty sweet ice breaker. No need for small talk when you’re just shitting everywhere! Woo hoo!

by amanda on August 6, 2009

hey beckey….congrats on having a boy! So fun! I am excited for you! And I am glad that you not giving up on the natural type of birth. Just for some encouragement….my first was a c-section and then I had two V-Bacs! So you can do it!!

by Taylore :) on August 6, 2009

Hi Beckey,
I am good friends with Sam and Ryan and they introduced me to your blog. My hubby is Sean the lead pastor at Flood. I believe we met during Sam and Ry’s wedding. Anyways, I have been following your blog for a few weeks now and I seriously love it! I look so forward to seeing your posts. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know about the video, “Business of being born.” It was produced by Ricki Lake. It was so good. I just delivered my 2nd son, Laken, in a birthing tub, 8 weeks ago. If you want more details, I would love to share! I highly recommend getting in water!!! It was so amazing. Samantha was in the room with me and videotaped it! Good luck with everything.

by Jessica on August 6, 2009

Also, I think you would get a kick out of another blogger: She is an author and just had her second baby! Let me know what you think. She is frickin hilarious!

by Jessica Randall on August 6, 2009

please!! you are going to be a rockstar!!! that other doctor was probably jealous because you’re a hot bitch.

by Katelyn on August 7, 2009

OMG! I swear, I love that you tell it like it is. that’s so me! “Poop on the floor!” I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your blog!

Anyway, I just want you to know my vag delivery (first time) didn’t go so hot the first time around…doctors/nurses can sometimes be lame. I don’t know how else to say it…but sometimes they mess up…and certain individuals (such as myself)are on the receiving end! For Instance, our first child, the nurse didn’t properly secure my IV, I barely moved, and it somewhat dislodged, and my blood (at a furious pace) began dripping on the floor. Now, I have this huge fear of needles, more than pushing a kid out my vajayjay…and so by the time my husband could find the nurse (yea, they didn’t respond with the damn button)there was a ton of blood on the floor..and the nurse SCOLDED me for “moving too much!” I’m huge and trying to get comfortable..a slight hip turn???? But what was worse, I had a hard time and almost required an emergency ces….but they were able to use suction to get him out…well, my bladder/urethra swelled from all the hours of pushing…and guess what? I couldn’t pee for 3 days! (Except, they didn’t realize that & kept scolding me to pee…until I started crying that I felt pressure on my bladder and I couldn’t go.) Let me tell you, the lead nurse’s eyes were huge when they removed the urine for me! The new nurse got in a lot of trouble that night! SO….hospital’s err all the time, whether or not it’s vag/ces birth.

Look at it this way: You’ve already had your “trying/harder birth” I have faith this next one will be super easy…you’ll fly through with colors! (My second was super/super easy! I almost did it without pain medication…almost, I’m not crazy!)

P.S. I have been nominated for the OC blogger awards in the KID & FAMILY category. If you wouldn’t mind voting for me? ūüôā

by Sandi Ormsby on August 7, 2009

I’m so glad you are being proactive and researching ALL of this. It’s important. I was still a kid when I had my first, and after 72 hours of labor (post water-breakage) and nearly stroking-out, I had an emergency C-Section. It was devastating. Long story short, I am the veteran of FOUR C-Sections and one partial vaginal birth (my 2nd pregnancy was with twins…one came out vaginally, partially – long story) and I wish I had been more proactive and that there had been the kind of community that exists today which supports women who don’t just accept the status quo.

Stand firm and don’t let your dr’s schedule dictate a healthy birth.

One thing though…A LOT has to come into play before a rectal or uterine prolapse can occur after repeat C-Sections. The overall health of the mother is a big factor and the type of C-Section she had, the recovery…a lot affects some of the really nasty postoperative complications that might occur.

by Audrey at Barking Mad on August 10, 2009

good luck. I’ve been meaning to do a post about my experiences with a C-section too. It’s all so overwhelming.

I have two friends who have uteruses that fall to their knees from time to time and they have to push them back in. Both of them had 4 kids, vaginally.

I’m thinking it’s good to have a nice mix of vaginal births and c-births.

you know, so nothing gets overdone and you can keep your parts on the inside of you

by Lora on August 10, 2009

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