I love T.V. and I’m not ashamed to admit it. And I would never, EVER considering getting rid of if for a more simplistic life style, or to enrich my way of living, or any other ridiculous reason like that, because I love it, and I would tongue kiss it if I could, or if it could kiss me back, but it can’t, and an inappropriate fondling will have to suffice.
T.V. brings me much joy in the form of The Bachelorette, 30 Rock, Kathy Griffin, Top Chef, Flipping Out, and come to think of it, anything on Bravo. And I’m completely convinced that if I didn’t watch my favorite shows, my hair would burst into flames, I would sprout a tail, my stand mixer would malfunction, all my shoes would turn into lobsters, and I would die.
In that order.
So I’m not really surprised to find out that Berlyn loves T.V. too. The girl L.O.V.E.S the television. She has insisted on watching this show called Yo Gabba Gabba, and when she does her eyes glaze over, her head tilts to one side, and there is a distinct amount of drool that puddles in her lap. I started to worry about the effects this show has on my daughter, so I began to sit down and actually watch the show with her, because usually I flick it on and BOOM! Instant babysitter! Time for a shower. Am I right mommies? No? Shoot. No, what I meant to say is I adore my child, and would never claim that I use the television to entertain her when I’m all out of entertainment and I just need to lay down and pretend I’m drinking a dirty martini, but really its a tall frosty glass of milk with exactly 4 ice cubes, and I’ll have the most intense gas after I finish it, but damn it’s worth it.
That’s actually what I really meant to say, but the point is I started watching it too…and something strange happened. I got sucked in.
Hot Dog! That show is mesmerizing. They have these loopy 80s graphics, that I can identify with, because I am a child of the 80s. And they sing really repetitive songs that talk about liking bugs, and how much fun it is to brush your teeth, and most importantly, there’s this tall skinny guy called DJ Lance Rock who wears an orange unitard, and he’s my favorite. And if he wasn’t so flamboyantly gay, I’d probably have a mammoth-sized crush on him.
But then there are these weird things that he plays with, and I swear one looks like it belongs in an adult (ahem) store…
He’s a one eyed pleasure toy, that has been infected with genital warts. Stay back Berlyn!
So in conclusion, we enjoyed the fun of Yo Gabba Gabba, but I think we’ll go back to watching Sesame Street, because I’m positive they don’t have any vibrator toys on their show.