It’s not a lie. I wish I was lying, but nope…100% true. It’s not babies so much as it is the over 5 set. Especially the really whiney ones, and the know-it-alls. Ohh, speaking of know-it-alls, the other day, for Father’s Day we went to a roller hockey rink to play hockey with my dad, brother, this chick, and some other friends (Note: I did NOT play hockey and neither did Berlyn).
This little girl found her way to our rink and decided to play with us. Without asking, just started to play. And she wasn’t even nice. I’d be all sorts of down with some kid that wanted to play who was nice, but no. Not nice. Actually, she was kind of an asshole.
Here’s the conversation we had on the bench, as she was putting her skates on:
Her: Oh, your baby is cute. And she has a Juicy sweatshirt on. I have a Juicy sweatshirt too, except mine’s at home
Her: Yeah. Oh! and MY dad plays hockey too. He’s better than your dad. I bet if they played together your dad would fall a lot, and my dad would win.
Me: That’s probably true, although it doesn’t change the fact that your dad can suck it.
Me: Oh, nothing. (To Berlyn) Look! An airplane! It’s a really old airplane. How cool is that Berlyn?
(I think there was an air show near by, we were in the Inland Empire, and they love their air shows out there, almost as much as they love NASCAR and Coors Light.)
Her: Oh, that’s cool. I know someone who has an airplane like that
Me: Really? You actually know someone that has an airplane like that?
Her: Yeah. Oh, your daughter’s eating rasins. Those are good, I have like 56 of those boxes at home.
True story. That was the exact conversation we had. See? Asshole right? And what am I supposed to say to a kid like that? I got nothing. I just have to nod, and feel really sorry for the people that will encounter her for the rest of her life. Because we all know that she’ll grow up and be just like this:
So when I say I don’t like kids, I’m referring to the assholes. Not your kids, I love each and everyone of your kids. Except the shitty ones.