La Bonne Liste
February 9, 2009Here is a list of some rad things in my world right now:
- This Radiohead performance at the Grammy’s with the USC Marching Band.
- Berlyn calls Sleeping Beauty, Cinda Booty.
- The cloud in the distance looks like a scuba diver ready to jump into the ocean and scrape barnicles off old ships.
- Berlyn seemlessly transitioned into a toddler bed this week.
- This photo of my dog is pretty awesome.
25 Random Things
February 4, 20093
comments- I always get in bar fights
- My favorite meal is pureed lemon peel and liver
- My middle name is Frank
- My mother was a Pakistani prostitute
- I bathe in cod oil
- I was born with 3 eyeballs, the third one was on my shin, and I had it removed
- My favorite smell comes from the anus and surrounding areas of a bonobo
- I tell time by looking ant formations
- My natural hair color is green
- I try to avoid the letter K
- My pillow is a zip lock bag filled with leaves
- I think the most relaxing-happy place is in stirrups at the gynecologist.
- Steve Buscemi is the sexiest man alive. I daydream about licking his nostrils
- I have webbed toes
- At night I’m convinced my body will be taken to Mars and made into ice cream
- I have a extensive poo fly collection I keep in my enclosed shower
- I sleep in a tiny hole cut out of the wall
- My favorite first date was a night at the slaughter house
- I have a tattoo of a donkey’s head on a porcupine’s body
- I wash my clothing in the gutter outside of my neighborhood’s mortuary
- My favorite song goes like this, “doo do do doo.”
- My fingernails are over 6 inches long
- I like to put frog intestines into everything I bake
- When I’m incredibly happy I shit myself
- I eat deodorant as an afternoon snack
Birthday Photos
February 2, 20092
commentsI just love birthdays! Especially Berlyn’s. She’s only had 2, but I get all nostalgic, and I feel like I should celebrate too. Like hey, I was a main participant in your birthday, I should get some cred too. But I don’t need credit, just an extra cupcake and some gentle recognition. So for her birthday we did something that I love to do, which is look at adorabe sea creatures!
We went to Aquarium of the Pacific in Long Beach and we got to touch sharks and sting rays. We saw sea lions and otters, and all kinds of other stuff. My favorite were the jellys. I wanted to take each and every one of the critters home, except for the sharks, the sharks can stay. Oh, and eels, those things creep me out.
Then we wandered over to visit my dad and his yacht. He let us go out on his little boat, and we cruised the harbor.
Berlyn just got a brand new potty. We set it up and right after her bath she wanted to “go potty.” I don’t think she knew that the goal was to pee in the thing, because she just sat there. We haven’t started potty training yet, but I like that she’s getting used to it, and hey, it’s a start.
Here we are at Laguna Beach. Oh, we are so precious.
All Berlyn wants to do in this photo is run into the water. I’m attempting to hold her back.
TWO!
February 2, 20097
commentsBerlyn,
You’ve been two for one whole day now. That’s just great, and you can count to two, and not just that, but you can extend your fingers into an old lady-like contortedness that symbolizes the number two. It’s so adorable. When asked how old you are, you beam brightly and say “TWO!” and then all your concentration is fixed on waiting for your fingers to move slowly into a two. But that’s not all, you really enjoy counting all the way to twenty, although you rarely make it to twenty. It’s more like, “one tew, for, five, six, seben, eight, nine, tin, eleben, twelbe, tirteen, forteen, firteen, firteen firteen, YEAH!!”
But your alphabet is much more refined, You can sing the whole alphabet and I’m pretty sure your favorite letter is W. And why wouldn’t it be? It’s a fantastic letter, it stands for walrus, wienerschnitzel, wrestling, wildebeest, and it’s a fabulous fashion magazine and hotel.
Currently you’re obsessed with Ariel and everything The Little Mermaid. It makes shopping for you very easy, and I appreciate that. I can buy you an Ariel spoon for a dollar fifty, and for a week you’re like, “look at my spoon, mama! I got Ariel spoon.” Only you can’t quite pronounce Ariel, or the letter S, so it sounds more like ‘air-rol boon’. And in that obsessive spoon week you can’t find your spoon, oh shit, we’re in trouble. Yup, you’ll throw a mighty fine tantrum. I especially liked the one when we were walking to our car in the Nordstrom Parking lot, and my hands were full, and you decided that right there, in the middle of crossing the street you were going to let your whole body go limp and lay in the middle of the road in full out, unashamed tantrum mode. I had to drop all my bags and pick you up off the street, but you kept it interesting by arching your back and trying to wiggle away. It only gave me a minor panic attack while I was picking stuff off the ground and maintaining a wiggly toddler in the middle of a crowded parking lot. My ass crack mildly perspired, and the wave of nausea only lasted a minute or two.
But you have your good sides too. You’re excellent at telling mama and daddy that you love them often, and unprompted. It’s the sweetest thing; on your way out of a room, you’ll pause in the door way and turn to me and say, “Good bye mama, I love you!!” Ugh, my heart melts. And If I ask for a hug, 90% of the time, you’ll indulge me in the most enthusiastic and energetic hug. You like to run at me full force and fall into my arms, and when you do my heart swoons.
Berlyn, you are my baby girl, and I love you with everything I have. You have transformed my life and you teach me so much everyday. Among which are patience, kindness, and to let go of the small stuff. I know you can’t be my baby forever, but I’ll forever be your mama.
I love you,
Mama
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