Smells I love:
my baby’s head
brand new stuff– especially shoes and furniture
Hawaiian Tropic suntan oil
hot buttered rum candle from Anthropologie
freshly ground coffee
Smells I hate:
Jenielle‘s ice maker
Zoey’s anal sac expulsions
darkroom photo chemicals
peoples’ bad breath
What about you guys? Do you have interesting smells you love/hate?
This sign is up all over my neighborhood.
The cold truth is little Billy, if I find your snake while I’m out walking my dog and baby, I will either throw my shoe at it, while keeping my eyes firmly shut, or run home as fast as I can and lock the door, because snakes are smart, and can probably work a door knob.
There’s this website that takes the photos of the mother, father, and baby, and then tells you who your baby more closely resembles.
Before I reveal the outcome of the results, I must tell you that I am naturally a very competitive person. I enjoy feeling triumphant and victorious, and the thought that I am more superior in all ways occasionally finds its way into my mind. Needless to say, there was a lot riding on the results.
So, I submitted this picture of Pat and me:
and this picture of Berlyn:
The website did this neat-o scanning thing, and I felt like I was uploading Top Secret documents for the FBI.
The results were: (Drum roll please.) Berlyn looks 13% more like HER FATHER!!
So, if you want to make my day, casually let me know that Berlyn has my tenacity, passion, or amazing fashion sense.
They say (and by they I mean the folks at Folgers), say that the best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup…I beg to differ.
This morning I sauntered downstairs with just enough prowess to avoid the giant pink car positioned right at shin-mega-hurt height. I rubbed the sleep and the tiny specks of day-old mascara out of my eyes, and peered into the empty coffee canister. I flipped the metal jar upside down and watched only wisps of tasty coffee grounds fall to the counter.
Oh no! This is bad. We’re out of coffee! I thought to myself, don’t panic, there are worse things going on in the world, and a day without coffee is totally do-able. Although it’s something I don’t feel comfortable doing.
I am vaguely resourceful and somewhat of a problem solver, so I threw open cupboards and knocked over boxes of crackers and cans of soup with my clumsy, uncaffeinated hands, in search of some coffee we might have stashed for such desperate occasions. Instead, I found decaf coffee, tea, and Folgers instant coffee crystals I bought for a cookie recipe. Decaf is shit, and I might as well have a cup of water, warm it up and add brown food dye. Tea is for old people and wussies, so I was stuck with the Folgers by process of elimination.
I thought, how bad can it be? It’s coffee, and coffee is always good. So I set my electric water kettle on boil and added a heaping scoop of instant coffee crystals to my cup. I added the water, a dash of hopeful expectations, and stirred vigorously. When the water had cooled off enough, I took a hearty swig, and spit it right back into the cup. UGH! It was burnt, dry, and tasted like a dusting of toenails had been added without my approval. All things I try to avoid in a cup of coffee.
Because I was still missing my caffeine buzz, I had to drink something, so I brewed some tea. While it was both sweet and mild, I still wasn’t satisfied. And sadly I was out of options.
After sucking out yesterday’s coffee filter and licking the empty canister, I realized that I have a problem. I heard the front gate open, and I knew my husband was home from his coffee shop meeting. I eagerly greeted him with an overly gratuitous kiss just to get the taste of more coffee, and realized that he was holding a cup of joe, all for me!!
Dreams do come true.
So, I never got “tagged” to do a list about myself, but I never really wait for an invitation anyways, and I always love an opportunity to talk about myself…so please enjoy this list of 25 (actually it’s 26) things:
Mothers’ Day is rapidly approaching, and this year I have decided against the gifts I usually give. Not that there is anything illicitly wrong with giving a picture of me in a frame dusted with glitter and sequins, but I have decided to be a bit more original, and practical. Because really, you can only have so many macaroni necklaces and hand-sculpted ashtrays.
While flipping through a series of online catalogs, I came across Miles Kimball. And I thought to myself, JACKPOT!!
Here are a few ideas that are in the running for a perfect Mother’s Day gift:
White yard geese that my mom can dress in a variety of ways, depending on her mood, or the seasons.
Christmas present geese:
Yard gnome geese:
No more squinting and straining to see if you’re applying your makeup accurately. Metal framed specs have hinged lenses that flip up and down. Have a clear, 3.0x magnified view with one eye, as you make up the other eye. In a satin pouch.
…and my personal favorite:
Regular exercise with the Super Kegel™ helps tone and strengthen pelvic floor muscles as it helps slim and tighten thighs, buttocks, and lower abdominal muscles. Steel exerciser has a padded vinyl cover. Includes a 9-page booklet and detailed exercise chart. Effective for men and women.
Happy Mothers’ Day Mom!
I have decided to partake in the Earth’s special day by taking some easy steps to conserve water and energy:
and the color of my eyes
What are you guys going to do? Here’s a website to give you helpful ideas.
As enticing as it may seem, don’t drop your iPhone. The result will be an angry husband, a 250 dollar bill, and 10 business days without a phone.
If you need to get a hold of me, email me. And if you want to buy me expensive technological toys–don’t. I’ll just end up dropping them.
I am a mother of a 14 month old, and I go to school at night, and I’m expected to keep a clean house?? What is that about? In between play dates, park and pool excursions, watching Bravo, and going on walks, I have lost sight of how messy my house has gotten. I am naturally a slob, and I work really hard not to let my husband know the full scope of my sloth-like nature. So actually when I throw my clothing on top of the dresser, instead of leaving it on the floor, I think that I am being neat. And when I soak the pan in water overnight, in my mind, it’s as good as clean.
I really want to pay someone to pick up my collection of bags (yes, there are three of my bags all on the kitchen table), scrub my toilets, and dust my baseboards, but Pat thinks that is a load of crap. So today, I’ll be cleaning. And I’ll be extra-surly–because it is hard to bleach your sink while trying to dissuade your daughter not stick the Windex nozzle up her nose.