I have gas

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February 21, 2008

This is from Oprah’s poo show with Dr Oz:

“Dr. Oz says that the average person passes gas 14 times a day—and less than one percent of it actually smells. He says it’s so important that we start creating a “no embarrassment zone”—we need to pass this much gas!”

I might have to challenge him on the “less than one percent smells” thing…Maybe he has it backwards, and it’s less than one percent doesn’t smell.

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What a Lofty Claim

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February 21, 2008

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–SteinMart

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Idle

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February 21, 2008

I majored in writing in college. Well, actually my emphasis was in writing. My school didn’t have a writing major. My major was in English. So, while in school, presumably, I did a lot of writing. A lot. So much in fact, that when I was finished, the last thing I wanted to do was write another word. Lots of time passed, and I didn’t write anything, but now I have this blog, and I am so happy inside that I get to write everyday…aren’t you??

 

This morning I was looking through old documents that I wrote in college for entertainment purposes. And I found myself entertained by this one in particular. I created this character with the hopes that a story would take shape. But a story was never formed, and this sad character sat all alone on my hard drive until today— Please to be enjoyed:

My eyes opened as I awoke, but as soon as the piercing sun slipped under my eyelids, they involuntarily closed. I pulled the heavy blanket over my body and simmered on low for another three hours, when I finally rolled out of bed. Literally, rolled…and to illustrate this point better, a visual: my body actually stayed confined in a ball of frumpy mass until it rested on the cold porcelain of the toilet where it leisurely unraveled. I picked my nose, inspected my new treasure and boldly snacked. Breakfast. Well actually it was more of a late brunch. I fumbled for my bearings and stood in front of the mirror for a while tossing my thick mass of hair around my head, and contemplated the smell that was seeping from my mouth. It was a rancid cocktail of gruyere cheese, parts of Mexico, fish paste, and donkey earwax. From the bathroom I made my way to my favorite arm chair in front of the TV, which has conformed to the shape of my un-firm buttocks. I sat. Ate a Hot Pocket. Burped. Scratched. Fell asleep. Got a cramp in my leg. Shifted. Burped. Today’s going to be a good day.

If you think of anything interesting that can happen my character, please, let me know. But I’ve already tried things involving an ice machine, cheese-filled hot dogs, and a trip to the moon, but none of those worked…

 

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2 Comments:

Thanks for the Birthday love. It was good seeing the bfields the other day.

by reid Walton on February 21, 2008

it should involve a yellow submarine [the one from disneyland, not the Beatles], a rhinocerus, a rickshaw, and a person from Georgia; the country, not the state.

Ready, Go!

by Greg on February 22, 2008

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Somewhere Between Pause and Fast-Forward

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February 20, 2008

I feel very conflicted as I’m battling two types of feelings. The first is, I am at school–and as much as I love slapping color on hair, I just want to be finished. I keep looking ahead for a time of no school. When I think of being done with school, I envision my horizon filled with unicorns wearing point shoes demi-pleaing in the distance, and hippos with tu-tus awaiting my arrival to the future. But before I can dance with hippos and unicorns, I see the next 7 months of my life as this black smudge on the calendar, and as soon as I am done, the smudge will be wiped clean, and I will finally be able to live my life, i.e., dance with hippos and unicorns.

On the other hand, I still spend 8 hours of Berlyn’s day with her, and I want to cherish every moment that we get to spend together. She will never be this age again, and I want to remember her sweet baby language, her trials of standing alone, and her attempts of getting into her Duplo box.

Part of me wants to press pause, while the other part wants to fast-forward.

I think this struggle serves a purpose; we are always going to have segments of our life that are arduous and we want to speed through, but then hopefully, we have more of the parts that are wonderfully fulfilling that we never want to end. These remind us to be grateful and cherish all the good in our lives.

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The iHole

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February 19, 2008

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This guy made a camera out of his iPhone box.

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Hey Bloggers…

7 Comments

February 19, 2008

I realized that a blogroll is cool in the world of blogging, thus I am adding one to my newly designed website which is COMING SOON! But first, I have to find out which of you people out there want me to add you. So leave me a comment, write me an email, or just show up at my door with a box of chocolates and some yellow daisies to let me know that you want a piece of PRIMO real-estate on my website.

7 Comments:

sure darling! doobleh-vay likes it here xo

by amy on February 19, 2008

i to have few links on your site of the webs? pleased to be thanking you for opportunities on the internets.

by pat on February 19, 2008

Me! I want to be added.

by Dena on February 19, 2008

Me too! I’ve jumped on the bandwagon.

by Amanda on February 19, 2008

me.

by Ryan Walton on February 19, 2008

me too!!!

by Jenielle Krusiewicz on February 19, 2008

Hi. Natalie left me a message yesterday and told me to take a look at your blog. It’s great, I so relate to your ins and outs. I would love to be a part of your blog roll!

by dianne on March 1, 2008

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Dean and Deluca

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February 18, 2008

Dean and DeLuca is coming to Newport Beach!

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I was at Fashion Island yesterday and saw the signs…Ohh, so exciting.

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Friends

2 Comments

February 18, 2008

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We spent some time with Ryan and Samantha Walton this weekend. They are pretty neat people who inspire us. The short time we spent with them got me thinking about how important friends are in my life.

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So if you’re my friend, pretend like I’m giving you a warm fuzzy hug right now and know that I appreciate you. And if you’re not my friend, then you should really work on that, because I’m a heck of a lot of fun.

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(and for whatever reason, I’m always on the right side of the photo…I guess I know my good-side)

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2 Comments:

It was so great to see you this weekend. We wish it could have been longer. I hope you will be able to find a way to Sacramento when you travel north in the summer. We love you and your family and are so thankful for your friendship.

by Samantha on February 19, 2008

You have lots of (pretty) friends. Also, this is crazy: I knew Jenielle when I lived in Irvine for 2 years of high school! I remember she was really nice to me (the newbie) and lots of fun. We went to the same church. Bizarre! How is she? How do you guys know each other and how long have you been friends?

by Michelle on February 16, 2009

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Seals and Scrabble

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February 18, 2008

I saw a baby seal yesterday at on the pier at Newport Beach. I almost jumped in the water with him and lived out my fantasy of befriending and swimming with adorably cute pennipeds. He was poking his baby face out of the water, but too bad I left my telephoto lens and tripod at home. The camera phone had a hard time capturing all the cuteness.

The seal is that dark murky blob in the distance.seal2.jpg seal.jpg

After an exhausting day of looking at seals, Pat and I played a heated game of Scrabble: scrabble.jpg

We used all the tiles and this is what we collectively came up with. I know that some words would be disqualified, like ijoyed, de and er, but we’re pretty proud of it.

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Barack Obama is Your New Bicycle.

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February 15, 2008

Barack Obama…

folded you an orgami crane.

left a comment on your blog.

bought you candy.

built you a robot.

has a balloon for you.

Pat found this website that just has phrases about Barack Obama.

It makes me think of that CSS song, “Music is My Hot Hot Sex.”

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