I majored in writing in college. Well, actually my emphasis was in writing. My school didn’t have a writing major. My major was in English. So, while in school, presumably, I did a lot of writing. A lot. So much in fact, that when I was finished, the last thing I wanted to do was write another word. Lots of time passed, and I didn’t write anything, but now I have this blog, and I am so happy inside that I get to write everyday…aren’t you??
This morning I was looking through old documents that I wrote in college for entertainment purposes. And I found myself entertained by this one in particular. I created this character with the hopes that a story would take shape. But a story was never formed, and this sad character sat all alone on my hard drive until today— Please to be enjoyed:
My eyes opened as I awoke, but as soon as the piercing sun slipped under my eyelids, they involuntarily closed. I pulled the heavy blanket over my body and simmered on low for another three hours, when I finally rolled out of bed. Literally, rolled…and to illustrate this point better, a visual: my body actually stayed confined in a ball of frumpy mass until it rested on the cold porcelain of the toilet where it leisurely unraveled. I picked my nose, inspected my new treasure and boldly snacked. Breakfast. Well actually it was more of a late brunch. I fumbled for my bearings and stood in front of the mirror for a while tossing my thick mass of hair around my head, and contemplated the smell that was seeping from my mouth. It was a rancid cocktail of gruyere cheese, parts of Mexico, fish paste, and donkey earwax. From the bathroom I made my way to my favorite arm chair in front of the TV, which has conformed to the shape of my un-firm buttocks. I sat. Ate a Hot Pocket. Burped. Scratched. Fell asleep. Got a cramp in my leg. Shifted. Burped. Today’s going to be a good day.
If you think of anything interesting that can happen my character, please, let me know. But I’ve already tried things involving an ice machine, cheese-filled hot dogs, and a trip to the moon, but none of those worked…
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